Canadian musicians ask: Am I next to marry Avril?
Adam Christie | CBC Comedy | Posted: September 11, 2015 4:00 AM | Last Updated: September 11, 2015
It's official, Canadian pop sensation Avril Lavigne has announced that she will be escaping the grasp of Nickleback frontman Chad Kroeger. Having been with not only Kroeger, but also Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley, we can't help but ask which Canadian rock star will be next to marry the complicated singer... and neither can they!
We asked eight different Canadian musicians if they have thought about marrying Avril Lavigne. Here's what they said.
1. Win Butler - Arcade Fire
"Things have been going pretty well for me lately. Grammy award for Best Album, winner of a Polaris Prize, playing with David Bowie... When I think about it, what's always been missing is a three page wedding spread in Hello Canada. I hope she picks me."
2. Neil Young - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
"What's going on in the oil sands in Alberta is a devastating environmental catastrophe. The Harper government is selling out the futures of our grandchildren in order to appease big oil, and yes I would marry Avril Lavigne."
3. Gordon Lightfoot
"They'd call us Gor-Vril. I like that."
4. Paul Anka
"You shouldn't ask a dead man who he's going to marry, it's disrespectful! What did you just say? I'm NOT dead? Oh my lord, what day is it? I have to go!"
5. The guy from Wide Mouth Mason – Wide Mouth Mason
"Man, what a trip it would be to marry Avril Lavigne. Can you imagine the headlines? "Guy from Wide Mouth Mason marries Lavigne." We would be a Canadian music superpower, and I would know, I'm the guy from Wide Mouth Mason!
6. All five members of the Philosopher Kings
"We're all interested, and we've worked it out. Gerald hangs out with her Monday, James Tuesday, Jon Wednesday, Denton Thursday, Marc Friday, and Prozzak can have her on the weekend."
7. Mike Ford – Moxy Früvous
"No. Enough bad stuff has happened to Moxy Früvous in the last year. We don't need me marrying Avril Lavigne to make it even worse."
8. Nardwuar – The Evaporators
"If I could ask Avril Lavigne one question, I would shock her by asking if she would be my bride. If I could ask her another question, I would shock her again by pulling out a record by nineties Napanee, Ontario punk band Big Slime and asking "What can you tell the people about Cold Cocked, the debut album from Big Slime, and what significance does it have to Gibson's Restaurant in Napanee, Ontario?"