The Great Canadian Baking Show judge Bruno Feldeisen on his journey from childhood trauma to culinary stardom
He now shares his recovery as a spokesperson for Anxiety Canada
Bruno Feldeisen's past would be shocking to many who know him today.
The chef's biography reads like one success after another: industry accolades, national Top 10 lists, and glamorous kitchen posts in culinary capitals, from New York to Los Angeles, San Francisco to Vancouver.
We know him best onscreen, where Feldeisen judges contestants on The Great Canadian Baking Show, now seven seasons deep. His dapper suits and gentle appraisals soothe the frazzled bakers competing against clocks — and each other. Under his care, this high-pressure world feels uplifting and optimistic.
But when you hear where Feldeisen started, his past and present lives seem almost unreconcilable.
From the bottom to the top — then a breakdown
Feldeisen laid it all bare in an explosive 2014 profile for the Vancouver Sun. His mother was a sex worker and addicted to drugs; she abused and tried to kill him as a child; he was homeless at 12, living on the streets in a French town; he was caught stealing food and locked up with other troubled youth.
Feldeisen climbed out of this traumatic childhood and towards the top of the culinary world — and then everything unravelled in his 30s: debilitated by panic attacks, hopping from job to job, bankrupt. He had earned everything from nothing, then lost it all.
And his bravery in sharing his story, after coming this far, was not rewarded.
"When the article in the Vancouver Sun came out, I was called in a meeting by my senior manager … and was told that corporate in Toronto was aware and there will be consequences for me," Feldeisen said.
He was threatened with firing, he said. But in a twist of luck, one of Vancouver's most prominent families — and a major client — saw the Sun profile and asked him to speak at an event for Coast Mental Health.
"I got lucky," Feldeisen said, "other people in different situations would have lost their job."
Recovery was a constant battle
Feldeisen has anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder from his childhood experiences, but with therapy, he's managed to rebuild himself into the gentle TV judge we see today.
Outspoken about his past and current struggles, he works frequently with Anxiety Canada and other non-profits — from charitable events to podcasts, videos and columns. Almost a decade ago, when the Sun profile came out, people and families had reached out to him online, seeking guidance for themselves or their loved ones.
Feldeisen admits filming The Great Canadian Baking Show's first season was a challenge. Even as he's come to love being on set, sometimes it takes "twice as long" and "twice the energy" to perform for cameras with his anxiety. It's a condition that requires self-awareness, and seeking help when he needs it.
"Today I manage my anxiety through proper diet, CBT therapy, surrounding myself with positive-minded people, paying it forward with small acts of kindness," Feldeisen said. "There is always the fear that anxiety will hound you [and] make your life miserable again, so it is a constant battle."
Meanwhile, the show itself is a "wonderful escape for people with anxiety," he added.
"It shows perseverance, skills, beauty, architectural forms, magic tricks, magical flavours, camaraderie," Feldeisen said, "and a sense that, even in a competitive environment, you can still find respect, support and the reward of love."
Empathy, forgiveness — and breaking the cycle
Feldeisen's early life story informed his later life with enormous empathy: sometimes he sees homeless people struggling with substance use and mental health issues, and he imagines himself falling down that path.
His own mental breakdown and job loss happened in New York City, where everyone is "only one paycheque away [from] living on the streets." Feldeisen speaks of those living in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside, and Indigenous people who have suffered atrocities and generational trauma, with compassion and understanding. Canada is a wealthy nation that should support these people more, he believes, so they can recover as he did.
Feldeisen even forgives his mother, who died of an overdose on the street, wearing no more than flip-flops on her bare feet in the cold. He says she had a tragic, traumatic life herself, and probably suffered more than he did.
His turning point was having a son. Feldeisen remembers holding his newborn in the hospital and deciding to focus on his recovery so he could be a good father. He never knew his own.
"Breaking the cycle of trauma is necessary to move forward into a healthy and happy life that will affect positively the ones you love," Feldeisen said. "The past did shape me into who I am today, but it does not have to dictate the way I live my life. The journey is to [be] reborn from a victim to a survivor to a warrior. It is a hard journey full of hurdles, but you owe it to your loved ones."
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