Steve Patterson on the letters he wrote to baseball, curling and Justin Bieber
Steve Patterson is the host of The Debaters on CBC Radio, where every week he presides over a roster of dissenting comedians who argue such topics as "soup vs. salad," "rain vs. snow," and "the man bun: yes or no?" His new book, The Book of Letters I Didn't Know Where to Send, is a compilation of letters to a variety of people, places, things and ideas, letting them know exactly where he stands.
Patterson spoke to Shelagh Rogers from Toronto to share his opinions on (and grievances with) a number of things, from curling to Justin Bieber.
On cycling apparel
I don't like when people get all decked out in their cycling wear and then ride through a public park beside me when I'm jogging. They're dressed like they're from space, with their clippity-clop shoes that they wear when they're not on their bikes. And men, there's got to be a better thing to put on the bottom than cycling shorts. Anything in the world.
On curling
I really want to get into curling. I'd love to find the drama within every moment, but I just can't. I've gone curling once, when I was less than sober, which I understand is an okay way to do it, and I could not get the difference between curling and bowling down, so I kept trying to lift the rock like a bowling ball. And they're very heavy, those rocks — that's why they don't pick them up, because they're heavy — and I dropped it, not intentionally but I dropped it, and anyone who tells you that you can't crack the ice in curling has never done this, because you can in fact crack the ice.
On Justin Bieber and Malala
That letter is serious because she's such an impressive person. I sort of write the letters in different groups — I'd try to write a few a day. So I started to write one to Justin Bieber, and I thought, who is the exact opposite as a young person in the world to Justin Bieber? And I thought to myself, oh! Malala! The person with the Nobel Prize! For peace! That's an impressive young person and there's really no one else like her in the world. I'm sure she gets lots of people writing to her who she has inspired, but I just wanted her to know that she's inspired a middle-aged man in Canada as well. And then I found out that she's actually a Justin Bieber fan, so I try to talk her out of that at the end of the letter.
Steve Patterson's comments have been edited and condensed.