This B.C family worked for years to adopt a Ukrainian girl. Now she's trapped in a war zone
Ukraine has suspended intercountry adoptions, in light of Russia's invasion
Holly den Ouden and her family were in the late stages of adopting a teenage girl from Ukraine when Russia invaded, halting the process and stranding 17-year-old Nastya in a war zone.
"We are very afraid. We're very scared every day for her safety," said den Ouden, who lives in Langley, B.C., with her husband Jeremy and two sons, aged 8 and 11.
The family started the adoption process in 2019. They met Nastya that same year when she visited Canada through a program that places children with potential adoptive families.
For now, she is safe in an orphanage in an area of Ukraine where there isn't yet any fighting. They've been able to stay in touch online.
"She asks all the time, 'When can I come? When can I come home? When can I be with you?'" den Ouden said.
"She doesn't have another family that is looking out for her, caring for her. There's no one else signing up to be her parents. It's us, that's it."
Ukraine has suspended its intercountry adoption program until further notice, in light of Russia's invasion on Feb. 24. In a release, the Permanent Bureau of the Hague Conference said the prohibition is to ensure no child displaced by the conflict can be adopted until the fate of their parents or nearest relatives can be verified.
The decision includes the estimated 100,000 children in orphanages and trade schools in the country, many of whom have ties to living family who are unable to care for them.
Under normal circumstances, the international adoption process is managed by provincial authorities in Canada, who perform rigorous checks on prospective adoptive families, including medicals, financial checks and home appraisals.
Approval is also required from Ukrainian authorities, in a multi-step process that can take years. Once an adoption is finalized, families must then apply to immigration authorities in Canada for citizenship or permanent residence for the child, and the documents necessary to travel.
Nastya visited Canada during the process, and the den Oudens were in Ukraine as recently as January. The adoption request has been approved by both Canadian and Ukrainian authorities, and the next step was a court appearance to formally take custody of the teenager, and then secure the travel documents needed to bring her to Canada permanently.
"We didn't get to finish that because then war broke out," den Ouden said.
While they are not legally Nastya's parents yet, den Ouden said it feels like being a parent "in all the ways that matter."
"We lay awake at night, worrying about her, praying for her constantly, talking to her all the time," she said.
"Trying to understand how to parent a teenager, let alone a teenager in war — it's a lot."
Fears over trafficking, abuse
International adoptions into Canada have declined in recent years, and were interrupted during the pandemic. Not all countries allow international adoptions by Canadians, and provinces and territories also choose not to engage in the process with some countries.
Audrey Macklin, a professor of law and chair in human rights law at the University of Toronto, said even in peacetime, international adoptions require a lot of checks and balances.
"Transnational adoption necessarily involves exchange of money … [and] concerns arise about the potential for corruption and for illegality," she said.
She said those concerns include ensuring the child is in fact orphaned, that no coercion is taking place, and there is no risk of human trafficking.
"The fog of war and the chaos, the uncertainty and the violence all elevate the risks of not being able to adequately monitor and track what's going on," she said.
But she added that conflict "understandably heightens the urgency of trying to get children to safety, and of course, the adoptive parents are frantic."
In a statement to The Current, a spokesperson for Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada (IRCC) said "it is a recognized international principle that intercountry adoptions should not be undertaken during times of armed conflict or natural disaster."
The statement pointed to prohibitions within the Hague Convention, as well as guidance from child aid agency UNICEF that "do not recommend expediting adoptions in situations of armed conflict or natural disaster."
"These situations put vulnerable women and children at risk of child trafficking and other abuses," it said.
Den Ouden understands those concerns, but pointed to the risks posed by the conflict itself.
She has published an open letter on her Instagram account calling on the Canadian government to aid the evacuation of Ukrainian orphanages, and prioritize bringing unaccompanied minors to safety in Canada.
She said the adoption itself is now secondary to getting Nastya to safety, outside Ukraine.
"We would be just so grateful if the Canadian government would grant her even a temporary visa so that she can be here while the war plays out," she said.
"And if that means she has to go back after, and we have to complete an adoption formally later on Ukrainian soil or whatever, that's fine, we're happy to do that."
Adopting from elsewhere
Families have been on "a roller-coaster of emotions" in recent weeks, said Alysha Buck, chair of the board of directors for UAS Eastern European Adoption Inc., a private, non-profit adoption agency based in Manitoba.
"Imagine your child being overseas in a war zone," she said.
"You can't have eyes on them. You can't be in constant contact with them, and it's extremely scary for these families."
Buck's organization has three families who have met the children they intend to adopt, but are now on hold.
But not all families had reached the point of being matched with a child.
In Ottawa, Ashley Hilliard and her partner Mike McDonald finished provincial checks in February, and were getting ready to head to Ukraine for the next step in the process. They chose Ukraine in part because a high number of children in orphanages there are living with disabilities, and they felt equipped to help.
When war broke out, they feared for the safety of the children in Ukraine, but soon began to realize they may have to seek adoption elsewhere.
An adoption agency told Hilliard that because they haven't been matched with a child yet, there was little chance they would proceed while the conflict lasted. Even when it ends, she was told it could take several years for intercountry adoptions to resume.
Administrative systems need to be rebuilt, and authorities must confirm that a child is orphaned and doesn't have living relatives who have been displaced — all of which is difficult in the aftermath of war.
"We both felt terrible … it literally felt like overnight it came crashing down around us," Hilliard said.
It's left them with what she calls "a terrible decision" to make: whether to adopt from another country.
"I do feel like we're kind of abandoning Ukraine, but I really don't think it's going to be an option in the next little while," she said.
'Open the doors to Canada'
Buck said she agrees that adoptions can't continue as normal, and she is not asking for new adoptions to begin.
"We're talking about adoptions that are in process … where families have met their child or children, and they want to be able to proceed with the remaining steps," she said.
"What we are wanting is just for situations to be taken on a case-by-case basis at times."
In its statement, IRCC said "only adoption cases where an adoption decision has already been granted will move forward."
That means adoptions where the only step left is securing the documents required to enter Canada — a step that Nastya and the den Ouden family had not quite reached.
"If I can ask them for anything, it would be to open the doors to Canada as liberally as we can and to put at the top of that list unaccompanied minors," den Ouden said.
Den Ouden said she's always wanted to adopt, describing it as "one of the beautiful ways to grow a family."
They chose Ukraine because her family has roots there, and friends who also adopted from the country.
She described Nastya as brilliant and funny. She's interested in people, and wants to be a writer when she grows up, as well as a counsellor, so she can help people.
"She read every book in her orphanage and has moved online, to reading every book she can get her hands on online," den Ouden said.
"This is a really great girl that Canada would be so fortunate to have."
Written by Padraig Moran, with files from Yvette Brend. Produced by Idella Sturino.
