Tapestry

How history shapes who we are

What happens when you end up belonging nowhere?

'I’m colonial. I’m post-colonial. I’m a racialized person. I’m a migrant.'

Robert Diaz is an assistant professor at the University of Toronto. (Jenilee Austria)

"Identity is shaped by one's exposure to particular types of truths," says Robert Diaz, assistant professor at the University of Toronto's Women and Gender Studies Institute.

Diaz's work focuses on the intersections of Asian diasporic, postcolonial and queer studies. During his years of researching, teaching and working with Filipino/a populations, Diaz found that "although identities are fluid, there are certain legal, historical and cultural contexts that limit what identities matter. And which identities have power and which do not."

The power of language

Although language is a personal experience, it's steeped in historical and national contexts, says Diaz. Where you grow up can determine what language you learn. And what language you learn influences how you think and what opportunities are available to you. 

Take, for instance, the Philippines, a country colonized many times over —  first by the Spanish, then by the Americans. Diaz grew up in the Philippines speaking Tagalog at home and English in school. 

"My being able to pursue a Ph.D. and be a professor is deeply connected to my colonial history," says Diaz. "Language is the window to understanding how someone becomes multiple identities in one. I'm colonial. I'm post-colonial. I'm a racialized person. I'm a migrant. And I speak English as a product of a longer history my country has experienced."

Lost in Translation

Siya

Unlike English, Tagalog only has one word for he and she — siya. So, people speaking the Filipino dialect have a different understanding of gender and all the complicated dynamics that come along with it. That in turn will shape how they see themselves and others.

Bakla

In Tagalog the word bakla has many meanings — effeminate gay man, transgender person, someone who's flamboyant. When translated into English, the nuance is lost.

What's in a label?

Identity, Diaz explains, means different things based on where you're located. Certain historical moments produce versions of yourself that become more visible.

"In this moment of Trump politics in the U.S., major anti-immigrant sentiment in Europe, constant discussions of terrorism, there are particular identities that are moved to the forefront because they're supposed to matter the most. If you are a migrant living in the U.S. without documentation, that becomes the thing people see."

Diaz believes that although each person is complex and labels can often be used to confine and oppress people, it's still important to self-label.

"Self definition is about how people articulate their histories and realties. Labels are one of the mechanisms we have for stating who we are."  

Belonging with no one means belonging with everyone

Like many Canadians, Diaz holds several identities and has struggled with obtaining a sense of belonging. "I'm from so many places, but I've actually never belonged to any of them."

But he wants those who feel like the don't belong to know that they're not alone.

"Many of us feel that way. So in some sense you do belong. You're experiencing that sense of ambivalence that's specific to you with other people."


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