Kristin: Sibling loss in early life

Kristin's brother died when she was very young and she blamed herself, the way children sometimes do. She has carried that unresolved shame for decades. As the anniversary of his death stirs up difficult feelings, Dr. Hillary helps Kristin begin to heal this deep wound. She also guides adult Kristin, now a parent herself, toward saying the words she needed to hear as a child.

Listen for:

• How children can quietly blame themselves when bad things happen, even if they weren't responsible.
• Why an attuned adult, even an adult struggling with their own grief, is so important to kids dealing with their emotions. 
• How Hillary walks Kristin into a memory where a younger version of herself is literally hiding, and helps her use her imagination as a place of healing instead of self-shaming.

Quotes from the episode: 

• "I don't want to get to the 30th anniversary and still be trying to push this stuff down." - Kristin

• Who you are in this moment would have been the perfect person for that younger version of you to have. So I'm wondering if we can connect all the compassion, wisdom, insight and care that you have with this younger version of you who needed exactly someone like you?" - Hillary 

• "If I could go back in time and offer something to Kristin it would be the presence of an attuned loving caring steady other who could say to her, 'yes you're allowed to feel everything that you need to feel, and tell me what's going on inside, and know that this isn't your fault.'" - Hillary