POV | My journey to engaged fatherhood

Young and Potential Fathers is an organization in Toronto that works with men and families to promote involved fatherhood. It's the first and only father-focused family resource centre of its kind in the country, and has a specific focus on young fathers from the African-Canadian community. 

Today, Jason Johnson is the Program Coordinator of YPF — but he didn't start out that way. Not long ago, he was coming to YPF for support himself.

By Jason Johnson, as told to Now or Never

My experience with my father was one of reverence, but from a personal level there was not a connection. There was a time — I think it was in seventh grade — when Boys II Men and Jodeci were a big thing. I started to really enjoy singing.

There's one time I distinctly remember when I was inside my room. I was singing a song and I was giving it my all. Back in those times I didn't speak to a lot of people, but my room was a platform to express myself. So I was just belting out this one song and I remember the door opening and my father standing there and he asked me, "What are you doing? You're really trying to sing?" Then he chuckled to himself and went back downstairs.

That was the relationship that I had with my father.

Years later, our children's mother reached out to me and said, "The girls need to know their father." That really struck a nerve. It really put into perspective the responsibility that I needed to live up to — as the father of daughters especially. I needed to be that example of a positive male role model... that I know for a fact I'm still trying to learn.

If my kids could describe me as a father now, I truly believe that they would say that they know that their daddy loves them.

There was one moment that really stood out for me. It happened about a year and a half ago, when their mother and I started talking again. It was during one of the first visits from them and I had both of the girls on my lap. I was still astonished by how much they had grown and I broke down in front of them. I just started crying uncontrollably. I held them as tight as I could and I told them that I was so sorry for everything that I had put them through. I told them that I was so sorry that I was not there in those times when I know for a fact that they had needed me.

My oldest daughter told me, "It's OK daddy. You're here now."

That was the most important thing that I think she's ever told me. Knowing my children's genuine feelings about me sets the tone for me going forward: that there is something better and it's up to me to work towards that.