Preparing for my kids' hockey season… during racial unrest and a global pandemic

Contributed by Debora Barkun

My days are just like most people with hockey-playing children in 2020. 

Child one has goalie practice this afternoon. Child two has skating practice in the evening. Child three has the gym after school. Our early mornings consist of catching up on hockey scores and arranging transportation to the arena.

But once the kids are off at school, and I'm ready to start my work day, hockey is still on my mind.

I listen to news stories about inequality, racism and sports. Breathe, I remind myself, don't get overwhelmed, you can only control so much. I can do my work, get the kids to practice. Even if only for brief moments, I convince myself that while the world seems to burn around us, I can support my children's passions while navigating these fires, convincing us that the flames licking at our heels are merely warm waves.

The season is getting ready to start and I'm scared. ​​​​- Debora Barkun

As the cracks in our developed society deepen into chasms, I try to be brave. Things that weren't given much consideration in our home prior to the pandemic are now intense conversations. What was slavery? Why are some police officers killing Black people? Why don't Black lives matter? What is equality and fair treatment? As best I can, I discuss these concepts with my children who can't wrap their brain around owning another person. Although everyone equally deserves to be treated with respect, others need to be willing to do the same.

I have seen the division that this topic has caused in our society. New fears arise in me. If I wear a Black Lives Matter shirt to the hockey arena, what does that mean for my children? I am a very vocal advocate and I have to take a moment when I enter those spaces. I don't want my children ostracized because I wear my BLM proudly. We like to think people choose their associates, potential teammates or hires based on their experience and skills. In reality, people are more chosen for their similarities and shared history, than their experience and their skills.

If I show up to an arena with a BLM shirt on, there will be allies... But there will also be those who question the movement's legitimacy and, of course, those who outright oppose it. 

"Isn't BLM an American thing? A terrorist group? All Lives Matter!"

Back to the arena

We aren't completely back in the arenas yet. The season is getting ready to start and I'm scared. I'm worried that I won't have a comeback for the chirping or I won't be able to brush off comments from another parent. 

When kids are around, adults are subtle in their snipes. Too quick are the insults that go over our kids' heads. My job, as a hockey parent and a Black mother, is to block those comments and make sure that things in the stands don't turn into a gong show. There are insults that should have been stopped in previous years but I couldn't find the power in me to do so. This year, will I be able to stone those shots?

This segment originally aired in Oct. 2020