Why researchers say close friendships are key to good health

Reaching out to a friend you haven't seen that much over the past three years may actually be beneficial to your health, according to Canadian researchers.

But it's something that could take extra effort after everything we've been through during the pandemic. Many people went through major upheavals in their lives while having to isolate themselves at home, cut off from friends and family when they needed them most.

That was the case for Kathryn Boyd. She broke up with her partner and moved to a different Toronto neighbourhood, and as a single mom to a teenage boy, her time was limited. 

Although she still had friends she could call, she got out of the habit of regularly seeing people, and that put a strain on her mental health.

"COVID didn't help. I found I was getting into this hermit kind of lifestyle," said Boyd. 

"I didn't have that sounding board and I often felt like, 'Oh, maybe I just need to find a therapist,' but it's not the same. When you speak to a therapist you don't have the mutual interest in each other."

As pandemic restrictions lifted and people started socializing more, Boyd decided it was time to get out of her friendship slump. She met Claire Hepburn, a lawyer who lives in Toronto and who also had just gone through a break-up.

"I think when you have a long-term relationship that ends and you put a lot of your social capital into that, you kind of have to reinvent yourself a little bit," said Hepburn.

So with each other, the two women are learning the skill of making new friends as adults.   

The healing power of a best friend 

The pandemic put our close personal connections to the test, says Esme Fuller-Thomson, director of the Institute for Life Course and Aging at the University of Toronto.

"I think it drove home to a lot of people that maybe outside of their work environment, they may not have as extensive social connections and community as would be beneficial." 

In her research, Fuller-Thomson looks at the factors that determine how well someone recovers from an adverse event — whether that's depression, a stroke, or in one recent study, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.  

She and her colleagues found that Canadians 50 and over with COPD who had a close confidante were seven times more likely to be free of mental illness than those who didn't. 

Although it wasn't the only determining factor, she called having a close friend the "secret sauce" to thriving. 

"If you are without a confidante, at least one person who has your back to confide in, it's a bad story. But if you have a confidante you are much more likely to be flourishing," she said. 

Why loneliness can be deadly

According to Harry Owen Taylor, the people most likely to be negatively affected by loneliness are those who are going through a major life change, such as the loss of a job, retirement, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or moving to a new city.  

Taylor is an assistant professor with the Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work at the University of Toronto and he studies the risk factors for loneliness and social isolation and how they intersect with health outcomes. 

When it comes to our health, feelings of loneliness are something we shouldn't ignore. 

"Loneliness is associated with almost any type of health outcome you can think of, from physical health to mental health to cognitive health and overall mortality…. You have about a 26 per cent higher chance of dying if you are lonely, essentially," Taylor said. 

There are a lot of reasons why this might be the case, he said, including the fact that studies have shown that lonely people are less likely to exercise and more likely to smoke. 

And because people who are lonely are less confident in their ability to accomplish tasks, they may become depressed. That might mean they become less likely to take care of their own health.

He said that solving this problem can be challenging because the negative emotions associated with being lonely make it harder for a person to go out and find friends. 

"When you're lonely, you're less likely to trust other people and it becomes a very vicious cycle," Taylor said. 

Fuller-Thomson suggests that doctors could consider what's known as social prescribing, where a doctor "prescribes" activities to a patient, such as volunteering or joining a club. 

"It's kind of the good advice your grandmother would have given you," she said.

Reaching out to friends

This past fall on her 50th birthday, Boyd decided to put more effort into reconnecting with friends and repairing connections that were frayed during the pandemic.

"I really wanted to get out there and do something and collect memories," she said.

She started a Facebook group, titled Do Something Every Month, and recently she invited a handful of people to her house for what she called an artist's sacred circle where everyone could share something they'd created.

Hepburn was the first to arrive, followed by a handful of other women. Some brought poems, journals, watercolour paintings and sketches, and the group shared wine, snacks and conversation.  

Meeting new people has been one of the good things that has come of the pandemic for Hepburn.

"I sort of said this is kind of going to be my time to diversify my joy with other people. And not just close friends but these incidental friends … the dog park people, or my neighbours."

For Boyd, part of the motivation for this gathering was the realization that relationships are something you need to nurture.

"I've really been working hard at developing the friendships I have, and checking in with them regularly — and treating it much like any other important thing in your life," she said. "It takes work, it takes consistency."

That means there will be no more going weeks without seeing anyone outside of work, she added.  

"I'd like to see some special people and have really good conversations."