Single, childless and 39: why freaking out isn't your only option
There's a specific stress that comes with birthdays.
What's meant to be a celebration can turn into existential turmoil. You start comparing your life to those around you who appear to have it all. Well, for producer Tara Henley, turning 40 was particularly difficult.
Her 39-year-old life was pretty different from what she had imagined when she was younger. She loved her work, but she was single and had no kids. Partnership and family had always been part of her dream future, but Tara was beginning to realize these things might not happen for her. She was also realizing she wasn't alone.
The making of '39': field notes from producer Tara Henley
By Tara Henley
I never set out to make a radio doc about my private crisis – about staring down 40, and being single and childless and baffled by my life. I didn't even really want to talk about it with family and friends. So if you'd told me six months ago that I'd produce something this personal, I wouldn't have believed you.
But here's the thing: sometimes you don't go looking for a story, sometimes a story finds you.
In the year or so leading up to my 39th birthday, I kept winding up in coffee shops with women my age, having the same conversation over and over again. Everywhere I turned, there were smart, successful women who hadn't found a partner or a family life, and felt like time was running out. Acquaintances, friends, colleagues – it didn't seem to matter. Give them a cup of coffee and half an hour, and they'd inevitably open up about this "39 problem." They all articulated the same frustration. As daughters of the feminist revolution, we'd been told that we didn't need to seek out marriage and motherhood. Our job was to go to school, get a career, fulfil our potential. The rest would fall into place.
About the producer
Tara Henley is a CBC radio and doc producer based in Vancouver. During her 15-year career in journalism, she's worked as a music critic for The Georgia Straight newspaper, a blogger for XXL hip-hop magazine in New York City, an editor at Hello! Canada magazine, a TV producer at George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight, and a radio producer at Toronto's Metro Morning. Her freelance writing has appeared in the Toronto Star, The Globe and Mail and The Guardian in the U.K.