To ward off pandemic loneliness, strangers become audio pen pals
People pair up in Canadian project to exchange voice memos and make new connections during COVID-19
In March, as my town Yellowknife closed its borders and safety measures shuttered each of us in our homes, I became curious about the hushed and anxious kitchen table conversations happening on the other side of my apartment walls.
I wanted to connect and document my neighbours, strangers and loved ones during our confinement. So I came up with the idea to set people up as audio pen pals.
These pen pals would function in the same way as the letter-writing kind. I would pair up two strangers based on shared interests but with enough differences to make their correspondence interesting.
One would record a letter, send it to me to be screened and archived, then I would pass it along to their partner. The process could go on for as long as each pair continued to record messages.
Within a few days of sharing the idea on Facebook, I received two emails: one from Sophie, a landscape architect and choreographer living in Vancouver, and another from Angela, a woman in her 60s and the dean of a small arts college in Haliburton, Ont. The two seemed like a perfect match and became the first correspondence partners.
In their introductory messages to each other, the women exchanged the details of their lives, including their work, their location and their hobbies. But from the start, their correspondence also contained vulnerability born out of isolation and anonymity.
"I've never received a voice message from someone I didn't know," Sophie said in her second voice letter. "I have to be honest, I cried the second time I listened to it."
I'm scared, especially after what's going on.- Sophie Maguire
She shared with Angela that she was soon moving to Baltimore, Md.: "I'm scared, especially after what's going on, now to move to a new place where I don't know anyone… But it seems like the will of the world these days that people move away from each other."
On the other side of the country, Angela offered a sympathetic ear: "My god, Sophie, that's huge. That's huge! And I completely know what you mean about wanting everyone to be under one roof. That's not gonna happen. But our desire for parts of that dream, they have to be real."
Something to look forward to
By mid May, 50 participants had signed up for the project. The participants spanned from Bangkok to Yellowknife, ages 7 to 70.
At the time, most people's social circles had been reduced to their immediate households. A pen pal was a way to meet someone new and to socialize when it was otherwise impossible.
A participant told me recently, "March through August felt like a strange and endless blink. A lot of nothing happened. A lot of isolation happened. And most things on my end felt fruitless."
To have a pen pal was something she could care about, someone she could look forward to hearing from.
Another correspondence was between a young man named Nick and a senior-aged woman named June.
Midway through the project, I received an email from June. She told me that her sister Peggie Ann was dying. Due to the travel restrictions, it was impossible for her to be by her sister's side. So instead, June sent her sister all the letters she had recorded for her audio pen pal.
When Peggie Ann listened to the recordings, she wrote her sister: "Hi Junie Moon - Just got to listen to your perfect tape. It was delightful. I felt like you were right here beside me!'
She passed a few weeks later.
Through these letters, June and Peggie Ann were able to share a final moment, without sharing the same space.
Support in tough times
A month into their correspondence, Angela admitted to Sophie that she had been having a hard time coping with COVID-19: "I am running out of optimism. Part of me thinks that things will get better, and another part of me thinks, 'You're kidding yourself.' I think of my father at 93 and that he will probably die before whatever new normal comes… And I've got to say I'm feeling depressed."
A little confession of my own: Angela is my mother. She and I had spoken before about COVID-19 depression, hers and mine both. But to hear her struggles, addressed to someone else, was both alienating and comforting. For the first time in my life, I was able to see Angela not as my mother, but as a woman.
Sophie told Angela that her message left her concerned and so she felt compelled to respond right away: "I heard a lot of doubt and sadness in your voice... It's like waves right? Some days are better than others."
She said she had been having a hard time feeling excited about anything and so had been trying to make a list of things to look forward to: "I'm excited about the day I'll tell my parents that I'm having a baby. Because I know how happy that will make them."
A few days later, Angela recorded a response : "Your message was so sweet and loving. I'm so less stressed… I'm listening to the rain, and I'm having wonderful conversations with someone who I've never even met. Pretty cool."
At the end of the summer, I arranged a Zoom meeting so Sophie and Angela could finally meet. "Oh my god you're not a brunette," Angela said when she saw Sophie for the first time.
The two women laughed. Sophie updated Angela on her recent move to the U.S. Angela opened up about the growing precariousness of her work. Having shared so much of their time together, their first meeting was already a reunion.
"Thank you for being a beacon, my companion through COVID," said Angela.
The pen pals project is called Through The Wall and it was conceived by Aidan McMahon, with David Clark and Luca Caruso Moro. Visit throughthewall.ca to find out how to be paired with your own audio pen pal.
About the producers
