'Go tuck yourself': Comedian fires back at Tucker Carlson's jab at Canadian women's sex appeal

This week, left-leaning opposition research group Media Matters for America released a cache of clips of Tucker Carlson making racist and misogynistic remarks on a radio broadcast a decade ago.  

Carlson, now with Fox News, was talking to a host known as Bubba the Love Sponge when he made offensive and derogatory comments about women.

Carlson also said Warren Jeffs, the self-proclaimed prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, who was convicted of sexually assaulting two teen girls, only went to prison because he had a lifestyle people find "creepy."

One of Carlson's comments was specifically targeted at Canadian women.

"There's no Canadian woman that you'd want to pay to sleep with," he said.

Carlson said he would not apologize, calling his words "something naughty" he said a decade ago. He also said anyone who disagrees with him could go on his show to talk to him.

Toronto-based stand-up comedian Aisha Brown preferred to write him a letter instead.

This is Brown's note to Carlson

Hey Tucker,

Sorry I can't be a part of your show … is a phrase you're probably getting used to hearing from advertisers.  

But, it looks like you may have Tucked things up royally this time. I mean, when a man has old tapes resurface in 2019, it's never because he got caught red-handed believing women.

Nothing on these Love Sponge tapes was at all surprising to me. What did surprise me though was that these recordings predate your time working for Rupert Murdoch.

So being an obnoxious, xenophobic, misogynist weirdo is just something you do as a hobby?  

I guess what they say is true. If you're a bigot who loves what you do, you'll never have to work a day in your life outside of Fox News.   

I do appreciate that you're refusing to say you're sorry over past racist, sexist and homophobic remarks. Because, why pretend to have a conscience?

However, I do buck at you referring to your vitriolic hate speech as "naughty," which makes it sound like you're just a mischievous toddler in a beanie, whose only crime was sneaking cookies before dinner and defending statutory rape.

While I wish I could address everything you said that personally offends and disgusts me as a woman of colour and the daughter of immigrants, I'm specifically here to address a comment you made about Canadian women.

That's right. You, Tuck-face Carlson, in your White Steve Urkel of a voice, said that there was no Canadian woman that you'd ever want to pay to sleep with.

Wow.

Now, ignoring the fact that you're basically acknowledging that a financial transaction is the only way you can convince a human woman to ... how can I put this … join Slytherin?

No self-respecting Canadian woman would ever sleep with you. In fact, no self-loathing Canadian woman who was desperate for cash in order to feed her family would ever sleep with you either.

That's why God invented selling an organ.  

But, if that wasn't clear enough, let me be frank: there isn't enough money, between Felicity Huffman and Aunt Becky combined, to entice a Canadian woman into even looking at your tiny legacy.

Because on top of finding you repugnant, Canadian women know that abstaining from intercourse with Tucker Carlson is the only way to effectively prevent unwanted Ted Cruzes.

But it is a huge relief to know that no matter how destitute a Canadian gal gets, she will never have the option-slash-unimaginable horror of waking up next to a man who looks like a stubbed toe got angry, and sprouted a face.        

Now, I never thought I'd say this on the radio, and I hope it doesn't come back to haunt me some day, but I just want to say to Tucker Carlson, on behalf of Canadian women everywhere:

Thank you.

And go tuck yourself.

To hear more from Aisha Brown, download our podcast or click 'Listen' above.