Apartheid death squad leader Eugene de Kock killed her mother - and she forgave him

She tells As It Happens host Carol off she forgave him for killing her mother, ANC activist Portia Shabangu, in order to find inner peace.

"I was a very empty, very angry," Khoza said. "I hated my mother for the career she had chosen."

By forgiving, she was able to let go of that resentment. But, still, Khoza had questions she need answered. And de Kock was the only one who could provide them. So, three years ago, she visited him in prison.

"My family couldn't tell me exactly why my mom died," she explained. "For me, it was like meeting a book of answers. For him, it was like seeing a ghost [because I look like my mother]."

Portia Shabangu, Marcia Khoza's mother. (Photo: The Portia Shabangu Foundation)

He told her that he and his team of assassins shot Shabangu and her fellow activists as they were driving in Swaziland. The hit squad tried to make it look as though some of their victims' ANC colleagues had turned on them and killed them. And de Kock told Khoza he was the one who fired the three shots to the head that ended her mother's life.

"I had already forgive him before I went there," Khoza said. "I hated my mother more than I hated her killer. I hated her for neglecting me, for leaving me, for choosing a certain career that was dangerous."

Now she is able to let that go. She sees that South Africa has changed because of what her mother and others like her did. Khoza was able to go to schools and to live in neighbourhoods that black South Africans were once barred from.

"That makes me feel very proud of her," she said.

She understands that some cannot forgive de Kock. But she says he now realizes what he did was wrong and takes responsibility.

When she met him, she asked him whether he would ever forgive himself.

"He hasn't," she said. "Only my mother could forgive him and then that's when he will forgive himself. It's not possible because the people he wants to forgive him, they are all dead."