Gay Russian violinist comes out in video — challenging his family and country

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Artem Kolesov's coming-out video begins with a birthday wish for himself. The 23-year-old Russian violinist speaks about how he no longer wants to be faceless because of his sexuality.

Kolesov — born into a religious family in a small town outside of Moscow — reveals his struggles with depression and the times he tried to take his own life.

"In my family, I often heard that all gays should be destroyed, that they should be bombed and that, if anyone in our family turns out to be gay, my family should kill them with their bare hands," he says in the video, translated through subtitles.

"I never heard anything good about gay people. All I knew was that gays are the people who everyone should hate."

Kolesov, who previously studied music at Dalhousie University, now lives in Chicago, where he is part of the Yas Quartet. The group will be performing on April 23 in Halifax.

On Friday, Kolesov spoke with As it Happens host Carol Off about his video. Here's a part of that conversation.

CO: This is a beautiful video ... It's you, close up, describing your story of being a boy, knowing you're gay, wanting to tell a family that has made it clear to you it's not right, that God does not approve, knowing that you lived in a society where gays are not supposed to exist, that it's some kind of a disease ... How long was this percolating in you before you could put it on to tape?

Growing up, I didn't even know that there were other LGBT people around me because they're just so hidden and everyone is scared to speak out.- Artem Kolesov

AK: The reason why I decided, you know, to show my face is because in Russia the LGBT community ... I'm not talking about Chechnya, but at least in a bigger city like St. Petersburg or Moscow, no one is going to kill you on the street. But the problem with the LGBT society in Russia is that they're almost invisible to the government ... At first, they started saying, "We don't have LGBT people." Then they started saying, "We don't have discrimination against LGBT." All of those statements they make us invisible to other people around us. Growing up, I didn't even know that there were other LGBT people around me because they're just so hidden and everyone is scared to speak out and be open about it.

• RELATED: Canada calls purported killings of gay men in Chechnya 'reprehensible,' calls for Russia probe

CO: In the video, you refer to your mother a number of times — at one point saying that you hoped that you died before she found out that you were gay. How has she responded to your video?

AK: When I first came out to her, it was about three weeks before I posted the video — before I even recorded it. She didn't respond very well to my coming out. She said, "I love you and nothing can change that, but I can't accept you as a gay person." She said, "You're not gay. Don't even say that word." ...  She doesn't even say the word gay. She said, "My son is not 'that.'"

CO: You said that in addition to wanting your mother to accept you, you wanted God to accept you as a gay man. Do you believe he has?

AK: I think so. I've been kind of going through a long journey, like a faith journey. And the first time I went to an LGBT-affirming church, I was there and it was kind of interesting. I was just standing there and no one really asked me any questions. I was just a human. I wasn't judged by my sexuality, my nationality or anything else ... I was thinking that, this is how God intended this. Like he made me this way, why would he hate me for what he made me be?

CO: In Russia, as you know right now, we've heard that there are LGBT people who have been arrested in Chechnya — have disappeared into prisons where they have been beaten and tortured and, in some cases, killed for being gay. We know that in Russia itself there are laws that actually make it illegal, possibly, to do what you did with this video. Do you fear going home — back to your country?

When I first came out to my mother she said, 'I think you need to do an MRI and we need to see what's wrong with your brain.'- Artem Kolesov

AK: I fear going home for two reasons ... That law says that you can't tell minors, so children under 18, that being gay is fine or that LGBT people are also people. You can actually get a fine from the government for saying that. In worst cases, you can also be sued and put to jail for breaking the law, basically.

Also, another reason why I don't think I'll be going back to Russia anytime soon is because of the attitude that my family has toward LGBT. They think that it's something to do with your brain. They think that it's not normal. When I first came out to my mother she said, "I think you need to do an MRI and we need to see what's wrong with your brain because I don't think this is right. I think it's something wrong and we need to fix this." So I guess if I went to my family, I would be cured by them ... I don't want to end up in the hospital. I just don't want to risk it.

I'm just so glad to see so many positive responses from all of my friends —  who became my family —  in Halifax.- Artem Kolesov

CO: What does it mean for you to be able to go back to Halifax and perform, now after you've done this video?

AK: Well, actually, not many people in Halifax knew about me being gay. Everyone just knew me as this Russian boy who played violin. I'm just so glad to see so many positive responses from all of my friends —  who became my family —  in Halifax. It just makes me really happy. And I honestly just can't wait to see them because I feel like it was a big part of my life that they weren't part of. They finally can.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity. To hear more of our interview with Artem Kolesov, listen to the audio above.