Coming in: A Sask. filmmaker's two-spirit journey
Julianna Maggrah wasn’t sure where she fit in until she realized she was two-spirit
This story originally published on June 21, 2022.
Growing up in northern Saskatchewan, Julianna Maggrah (she/they) always felt something was off when it came to who she was and how she felt.
Maggrah, a storyteller, filmmaker and member of the Lac La Ronge Indian Band, was raised both on the reserve in La Ronge and in Prince Albert, Sask.
Maggrah says she never felt accepted on the reserve because she looked "too white."
But in the city, she felt like she looked too boyish. She also felt uncomfortable in her body and thought maybe she was supposed to be born a boy.
This video was produced by Julianna Maggrah, a Prince Albert based storyteller and filmmaker, in collaboration with CBC's Creator Network. Maggrah is also a participant of CBC's New Indigenous Voices for 2022.
As a teenager, Maggrah realized she was attracted to both women and men. She says she was worried people would think she was gay and that she would be ostracized by her peers for being even more different.
"I felt some internalized shame," she said. "I think I may have had some internalized homophobia and misogyny."
As the years went on, Maggrah tried to figure out where she fit in. She wondered if she was bisexual, pansexual, transgender, non-binary, androgynous or gender fluid, but none of those descriptions felt right for her.
Then, about two years ago, Maggrah starting learning about what it meant to be two-spirit. Two-Spirit Elder Marjorie Beaucage says two-spirit people have a unique power.
"You're standing in the middle to balance the circle, to balance the masculine and feminine circles," Beaucage said. "And when things are out of whack, that was our job to balance and make it right."
Beaucage says two-spirit people often help others deal with conflict and can help in different areas in a community, such as medicine or song, depending on their individual gifts.
"If our gifts aren't acknowledged, then our people can't heal," she said.
Maggrah found acceptance in a drumming group, as a member of the Spirit Strong Singers in Prince Albert.
She says it's a place where she can make music and be with others, some of whom are also two-spirit.
Maggrah says learning about the history of two-spirit people, and how important they were to their tribes and in ceremonies, gave her a new perspective.
They have both masculine and feminine energy, and are free of gender and sexuality norms. These days, she feels safe letting down her guard, loving herself and sending compassion to others.
"I began to feel proud," she said. "I am a gift."
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