I felt lost after moving to a new city for grad school, but I'm slowly finding my place

This First Person article is the experience of Vaidehee Lanke, a graduate student in Montreal. It was originally published in August 2023. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

It must have been the house, but nothing looked familiar so I convinced myself that my apartment was still a block away. With each step, my confusion grew. My walk back from the grocery store was only supposed to take 10 minutes.

When I finally accepted I was lost and checked my phone for directions, I saw that I'd passed the building several blocks ago. So, with my heavy grocery bags, I turned around and wondered if I'd ever stop feeling lost in this new city.

I moved to Montreal from Saskatoon a year ago, and from the moment the humid summer air greeted me at the airport, I felt as if I had stepped into a different world. After all, Montreal has more people in it than the entire province where I grew up.

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I spent the first months getting lost going everywhere — to campus, to my apartment in the nearby Plateau neighbourhood, to the local grocery store. Even the weather puzzled me; I didn't know whether to leave the house with a raincoat, sweater, a hat or a combination of them all.

And I'd never felt more alone. I knew no one in the city where I'd come for grad school. At night, my apartment was silent and loneliness punctuated my days. I dearly missed the home and family I had left behind and desperately wanted to feel a sense of belonging in this new place.

Even as I met people at school and learned how to navigate the transit system, I wondered if I would ever find a place for myself here. But now I think I have an answer.

Somewhere between the daily hustle of school and work, meeting more people than I could count and having dozens of adventures exploring the city, I've gained a sense of familiarity here that I once thought I'd never find.

I can now distinguish the Green and Orange metro lines. The number 24 bus that takes me up and down Sherbrooke Street has become a trusted friend. I move through campus with ease, knowing all the shortcuts. The libraries remind me of the countless hours I spent studying during my first year, grateful for the safety, the heat in the winter and the A/C in the summer.

I see the details in the brightly coloured facades of Plateau triplexes, and the tall buildings lining downtown are my landmarks. I can appreciate the distinct personalities of each neighbourhood in Montreal, each with their own stories to tell.

The breathtaking beauty of the Botanical Garden, the astounding amount of yummy items at the Atwater and Jean Talon public markets and the sunset atop Mount Royal are so much more meaningful because I found these places with new friends.

Some of those friends are new to Montreal and others have called this city home for a while. From potlucks demonstrating our varied spectrum of cooking skills to apartment hunting together and dance parties, we have started to build a community of our own.

I've realized that finding a place for myself in a new city is a never-ending process — one that requires relying on old comforts, like boxes full of food from home, and discovering new ones, like picnicking in the park.

It also requires a network of people willing to help each other out and share in this chapter of our lives. This year showed me what a difference our community of kindness can make.

I was recently waiting for the bus at Sherbrooke station when a lady asked me how to get to St-Denis Street. To my delight, I actually knew how to get there! In my excitement, I gave her not one, but three different routes. She thanked me and, understandably, looked at me a little warily.

But after she left, I chuckled at how things had changed. From getting lost on the simplest of walks to now giving directions, this year will forever be a reminder that while it took time and had its ups and downs, it is possible to find a place for myself in a big city.

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