Christine Mazumdar has made the 2019 CBC Nonfiction Prize longlist for Reindeer at the Colloquium.

Christine Mazumdar is a PhD candidate at the Centre for Drama, Theatre and Performance Studies at the University of Toronto, focusing on the athlete as performer through the language of movement in aesthetic sport. A former rhythmic gymnast and nationally certified coach, Christine considers the interrelationship between sport and art through the virtuosic body. Her coaching pedagogy emphasizes consent, agency and the need to abolish aesthetic sport's culture of silence. An avid writer and musician, Christine also holds a teaching degree with a specialization in arts education from Queen's University and works part-time for the English Montreal School Board as she completes her doctoral thesis.

"Hunger and the academy."

"The incredible sense of loneliness I felt standing in a crowded academic room. Academia can be a particularly isolating experience once a PhD candidate faces the daunting task of writing their thesis. The lack of interaction with other people or time for self-care, the financial woes of tuition, the precarity of millennialhood, the fear of never finding a tenure track position, the stigma still associated with admitting that you're struggling — these all warrant greater discussion surrounding mental health and graduate students."

"You're getting so thin. Do I need to worry about you?"

My supervisor and I are attending a three-day academic conference in Montreal. I sit in the claustrophobic room staring at the dizzying effect of the dated carpet pattern. Eight dark brown squares per section, each connecting into the next. I've counted nearly 1,000 squares on the floor as speakers gift me with the wisdom that comes with their tenure-track positions and blazers with shoulder pads. I stare down at my feet gently reminding myself of the reindeer socks my wedge heels disguise. I'm trying not to cry. They say it's a syndrome, to feel like an imposter, but I am convinced that I truly am the loner of this conference. I don't belong here. I'm not good enough.

The winner of the 2019 CBC Nonfiction Prize will receive $6,000 from the Canada Council for the Arts, have their work published on CBC Books and attend a two-week writing residency at the Banff Centre for Arts and Creativity. Four finalists will each receive $1,000 from the Canada Council for the Arts and have their work published on CBC Books.

The shortlist will be announced on Sept. 18, 2019. The winner will be announced on Sept. 25, 2019.