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The AIH Transcript for December 21, 2016

Hosts: Carol Off and Jeff Douglas

STORIES FROM THIS EPISODE

Prologue

CAROL OFF: Hello, I'm Carol off.

JEFF DOUGALS: Good evening. I'm Jeff Douglas. This is As It Happens.

[Music: Theme]

JD: Tonight:

CO: Stream come true. The CRTC rules that broadband internet service is a basic telecommunications service for all Canadians. We'll get the lowdown on what that means for downloads.

JD: They're both questioning his intelligence. Donald Trump dismisses FBI and CIA reports that Russia meddled in the election. And tonight former CIA operative and presidential candidate Evan McMullan tells us why he is dismissing the President-elect's opinion.

CO: Grace under unbearable pressure. An American newspaper investigation finds that over 20 years, hundreds of gymnasts have alleged they were sexually abused, and those allegations were covered up.

JD: Taking news for an answer. If you are wondering what subject we cover on tonight's “As It Happened” it's as plans a thing in the middle of your face, which turns out to be surprisingly complex.

CO: Back to cold front. According to you, many meteorologists suffer from a case of “forecaster's block.” Which doesn't mean they can't cover the weather, it means their bodies cover a whole chunk of the map.

JD: and necklace abandoned. After a party a woman loses the fancy gems around her throat and you'll get a lump in yours during tonight's holiday reading of Guy de Maupassant’s classic story “The Necklace.” As It Happens the Wednesday edition, radio that figures she wouldn't be sad if she'd gone with a practical choker.

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Back To Top »

Part 1: Broadband: open media, Russia CIA follow-up, gymnast investigation

Broadband: open media

Guests: Laura Tribe, Rannva Simonson

JD: Take a moment to think about your relationship with the Internet. If you live in an urban centre, chances are you take that connection for granted. You may even be downloading eight things at once — right now. But if you are in a rural area or a remote northern area, access to broadband Internet is not always readily available or reliable. As many as 1 in 5 Canadians do not have access to high speed Internet. But that is about to change. Today the CRTC ruled that access to broadband Internet service is a basic telecommunications service for all Canadians. Laura Tribe is the executive director of OpenMedia. We reached her in Vancouver shortly after the CRTC announced its decision.

CO: Ms. Tribe, what do you make of the CRTC decision today?

LAURA TRIBE: We are so excited. This is absolutely precedent setting, what we saw with the CRTC today is that they just ruled that high speed Internet access is now a basic service essential to our everyday life. Which is really precedent setting for Canadians This hasn't happened for anything since the telephone.

CO: And leading up to this, at OpenMedia you were saying that this is one of the most significant decisions in Canadian telecom history. Why is it so large?

LT: Well, what we've really seen in Canada is that consistently Canadians pay some of the highest prices in the world for Internet services for middle of the road access. And that's if you live in an urban centre, let alone if you live in a rural area of the North. And what this decision really does is guarantee quality Internet for 100 per cent of Canadians in all regions. It requires a fixed internet or in your residential internet such your house as your mobile phone. This really gives Canadian world-class reliable internet which is such a shift from what so many Canadians are currently experiencing.

CO: And what does that mean for people in rural areas?

LT: It means they're going to get internet and it means that it's going to be fast and it will be just as fast as it is in cities. So what we're seeing now and we're just reacting to the decision pretty quickly, it has just come out, we're really excited. Is that it will mean that we are seeing I believe 10 times faster than what high-speed Internet has been qualified before in Canada for all new build outs and that it means that everyone no matter where you live you live in then or if you are going to be required to have mobile and residential Internet service in your home which is very different from what rural Canadians are currently experiencing.

CO: And just I'm sure people know but why is it an essential service? Why do you think that you have? You've demanded that and the CRTC has agreed with you? Why is it essential?

LT: Well, I think we've heard. And one of the things that OpenMedia is really good at doing is amplifying the voices of Canadians to help them participate in these processes and through the proceeding we saw almost 50,000 Canadians speak out through OpenMedia to demand more affordable internet and to really tell their personal stories of how this impacts the quality of life we need this to participate in society. We're seeing government processes move online from things like filing your taxes. We're seeing Oliver communications models online and the telephone is you know really important service. The internet has now taken over and it's the way it used for our primary communication. We use it for all of our information and education. And if you don't have access to those services and the technologies it really does put you at a disadvantage.

CO: And more than does the disadvantage it can actually be it can be dangerous. I mean if you can't get access to health services and you can't get access to even 911 services in some parts that you haven't got the right connection is that right?

LT: Absolutely. I mean it's really difficult for people in remote areas or with poor quality of service to guarantee their safety and their health care, but also just to have the same quality of life they would have in cities. We're seeing stories of people who could move to urban centres to be able to participate in their jobs their companies. They can't exist where they are right now because they can't get online access. But more importantly what we're really seeing is that this is treating all Canadians equally it's demanding that you shouldn't have to live in a certain area to you be given priority. And that's really important for us.

CO: But bringing broadband to remote regions, especially in the north, it's very expensive. How is it going to be paid for?

LT: Well, we're looking for is the CRTC from what it appears in the decision is actually putting forward some funds that they are currently already using for building our telephone services to redirect it towards the Internet. What we're really looking for is a national broadband strategy from the government and this is going to cost a lot of money that's going to cost in the billions and so we're waiting to see what the federal government will do to lead in what I believe the CRTC has put forward as public and private partnerships government of all levels to really implement this. But the CRTC’s directive means this is no longer an option. It means that something that needs to happen.

CO: well the CRTC is going to require providers to pay into a fund set to grow to $750 million dollars over five years is that enough?

LT: No, I mean it's going to be a great start and it's going to go a long way. What we're really seeing is that this is going to make some serious investments on the government and local governments to really prioritize this.

CO: But the last sentence in the CRTC is press releases says, “affordability concerns are best addressed by the emergence of a dynamic marketplace where service providers compete on price for telecommunication services.” So it looks as though they are expecting the private sector to step up and play a role is that likely to happen?

LT: Well, we've seen for years that every time we turn to the private sector and ask them to help with affordability, we've continued to be stuck with some of the highest bills. I believe in the CRTC last report it reported that internet prices in telecommunications prices in Canada are increasing at five times the rate of inflation. So what we recommended for years is that the government gives serious consideration to structurally separating our networks from big telecoms spread and help bring in lower costs and increase competition.

CO: But it seems when you read this release is that they are going to rely on those companies seeing that there is some sort of competitive market they can get into and providing services for people in remote and rural communities. I mean is that?

LT: Absolutely. And we're going to see a lot of the telecom companies and the Internet providers have to invest in this themselves to provide some of this. And we're also going to need — this is what we're calling on — for the government to help support that. Because just relying on the market forces providing free choice has not worked for us and I think we're really looking at seeing more competition come in to help the market to break that up.

CO: And just quickly, how soon do you think people in rural and remote communities will see broadband internet?

LT: I did see there is something to do with providing a specific package for people with disabilities within the next six months which is a big thing that we heard throughout this proceeding which will include things like data only packages. And so I think there are a lot of dates and timelines that will vary. But I'm hoping that within the very near future we'll start to see that increase service.

CO: Ms. Tribe, Thank you.

LT: Thank you so much.

JD: That was Laura Tribe. She is the Executive Director of OpenMedia. We reached her in Vancouver, the CRTC’s decision is very good news for Canadians living in remote and rural communities. But it doesn't necessarily mean an overnight upgrade. We spoke to Rannva Simonson in Iqaluit about the challenges of staying connected in Canada's north. Here's what she told us.

RANNVA SIMONSON: I can’t upgrade the applications on my computer because it keeps cutting out, so I only have the big old program on my computer. And for looking for stuff on the Web surfing the Web it's tedious and I don't do it because it takes too long time. Netflix is OK from time-to-time. Sometimes it stops, but most of the time is OK, when it's not prime time on every flight it's on the net. I don't know if it'll be slower then. So I missed out on doing the research and learning details about all social things that I like to learn. If I want to search a specific topic or pictures or other things. Yeah I don't do it very much. It takes too long time. So I start something looking for something and I clean up the kitchen and then when I come back. Yeah there's one site up there, it's not the same. If it was faster there will be so much opportunity for everybody in the North so they can stay connected, learn things, research things, find connections, find products, and find information. I think that the professional part is hugely underestimated.

JD: Rannva Simonson is the owner of the clothing store Rannva Design. We reached her in Iqualuit.

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Russia CIA follow-up

Guest: Evan McMullen

JD: Two very major U.S. intelligence agencies — the CIA and the FBI — are now in agreement. They believe the Russian government interfered in the U.S. election and it interfered in the favor of Donald Trump. But even as Democrats and Republicans alike call for an investigation, President-elect Trump continues to dismiss the agency's findings and that worries Evan McMullan. Mr. McMullan ran as an independent against Mr. Trump. He is also a former CIA operative. We reached him in Palo Alto, California.

CO: Mr. McMullan, Why do you think President-elect Donald Trump is most seemingly resisting the intelligence community's view that Russia interfered in the election to get him elected?

EVAN MCMULLAN: Well, obviously if he acknowledges that there was some foreign influence on the election that assisted his victory that undermines his claim to victory, his mandate although I think it's very clear he doesn't have a mandate or a strong position going into his first term. Which I hope is his only term to be clear. But he also has a longstanding adversarial relationship with the intelligence services in the United States as a result in part because of their standing up to him. And many people like me who served in the CIA or elsewhere in our national security organizations, have stood up to Donald Trump during the election and warned Americans that he was dangerous because of his relationships in Russia and he understands that that criticism may threaten him during his presidency.

CO: Now as a former CIA operative. Tell us what you how you're reacting to how the U.S. security agencies are slowly coming to say that they believe that Russia did interfere in this election did help Donald Trump.

EM: Yes. Well I mean they've been very careful about it. And of course this is something of paramount importance and so they need to be very careful. They need to make sure that they are confident in their assessment. And I think they've been doing that and this is such a delicate issue, of course. You know I think that Americans need as much information as possible and it's not only the hacks. I mean we hear a lot about the hacks the hacks of the Democratic Party revealing information that reflected poorly on Hillary Clinton in her campaign. But it was much more than that. RT America is Russia's propaganda cable channel in the United States. They've been promoting Donald Trump at least for the past year while pushing other stories that undermined Americans confidence in their democratic institutions. The Russians have strong links to the Alt-right or the White Supremacist Movement in the United States. They employed an army of internet trolls as they say that advocated for Donald Trump online and attacked his opponents. I mean there were a number of things that the Russian government did to influence our election. And by the way, this is nothing new it's new to the United States. But this is nothing new. The Russians have employed the same playbook in Europe and France and they're now doing the same thing in Germany and elsewhere. And this is something that the free world all of us must learn about very quickly and stand up to this as an attack on western democracy.

CO: We heard from Barack Obama on Friday and he has been slowly coming out with increasingly more critical statements he said that he told Vladimir Putin back in September to quote, “cut it out to stop interfering.” But he said he didn't go further because he didn't want to politicize the situation. Everything that gets heard in that election period was regarded as being partisan. What do you think of how President Obama has handled this whole situation?

EM: Well, I would just say that as I said before it's extremely delicate and you know you and I don't have the benefit of knowing exactly what President Obama knew, but he was right to be concerned that if he said more Donald Trump and those supporting him would cry foul had he warned of it during the election. Their logic is interesting to me, they cry foul now that President Obama is raising concerns and talking about this now alleging that he's playing politics. But what they really would have what they would have done is more of that to a higher degree. Had he actually made the same comments during the election so the criticism I think is a bit unfair. I wish more information would have been available to the American people during the election. But there are many reasons why it may not have been. Obama had his concerns, but I think the intelligence community was also doing its due diligence and it needed as I said before to be very careful and it has been very careful. But need a full investigation, Republicans and Democrats in Congress need to join together to do this. But the American people and people around the world should not be satisfied with backward looking investigations. Russia is carrying out a an attack on western democracy for a number of clear reasons and we need to think about what's happening now and what they're trying to do in the future and we need to thwart it.

CO: What role do you think what influence do you think that the Kremlin, that Mr. Putin, that Russia will have on the White House come January?

EM: Well, I would expect the influence unfortunately to be quite heavy. Just simply by virtue of what Donald Trump has himself said during the election and post-election. He desires a close relationship with Vladimir Putin. He does have a relationship personally with Vladimir Putin. He said that in the past a number of times, but then contradicted that and said the opposite during the campaign. But I think all signs suggest that he does indeed have a close relationship with the Russian government with Vladimir Putin and he aligns ideologically with Putin in the sense that he favors authoritarianism as a leadership style. And so this is something that Americans are going to have to unite both those of us on the right and the left to stand up stand up for our democratic institutions, stand up for basic things such as truth basic things such as the fact that all men and women are created equal. But you know we find ourselves in this situation ultimately because we allowed it to happen. We're going to have to learn some quick lessons now to protect our democracy.

CO: Mr. McMullen, Thank you.

EM: Thank you very much.

JD: Evan McMullen is a former CIA operative and a former presidential candidate. We reached him in Palo Alto, California and we have more on this story on our website www.cbc.ca/aih.

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Gymnast investigation

Guest: Mark Alesia

JD: When a gymnast of nails every flip and every leap in her routine or his routine, it looks effortless. But that's what we see and what we do not see — what goes on behind the scenes — can be a much darker story. The Indianapolis Star has just published the results of a nine month investigation of gymnastics in the US. Reporters found a 368 gymnast's had alleged that coaches, gym owners and other adults sexually abused them in some way over the past 20 years. They also revealed how the people in charge at USA Gymnastics — one of the country's best known Olympic organizations — kept that abuse hidden from the public and the police. Mark Alesia worked on that investigation for The Indianapolis Star.

CO: Mark, what put you on the path of this investigation into sex abuse in gymnastics?

MARK ALESIA: A little more than a year ago there was a prominent Olympic coach from Indianapolis. He had coached two Olympians and he was arrested on molestation charges and he ended up killing himself in jail while awaiting trial. So the issue has certainly been on our radar since then, but what really got us going is my colleague, Marisa Kwiatkowski got a tip about a civil suit in Southern Georgia a town where a victim of sexual abuse was suing USA Gymnastics accusing it of negligence. She says that USA Gymnastics received warnings about the coach who abused her — who's now in jail — and that they should have done something before she was harmed. But what really got our attention all was part of that case had 54 files from U.S. age Gnostics fifty four separate coaches filled with sexual abuse complaints and these files had just literally been filed away and not reported to authorities. Now those 54 files are under seal and my company The Indianapolis Star is suing to gain access to those files. We've won two court decisions, but USA Gymnastics is still fighting and scratching to keep those secrets.

CO: But you have been able to identify a number of victims and cases typically who is being exploited or abused allegedly?

MA: It's almost always girls. But still some boys, generally with gymnastics their careers kind of peak before they even get to college. So we're talking about kids as young as six and as old 16 or 17.

CO: So how is it that so little is known about this abuse?

MA: I think part of this is because gymnastics doesn't get a lot of scrutiny. For USA Gymnastics, Almost the entire enterprise revolves around two weeks every four years the Olympics and their marketing their money comes from that. They have thirty-four hundred local gyms. But it's the Olympics that really drives this.

CO: Now when you say that the Olympics drives it. I mean this is the whole the ambition is to trying and look for possible stars possible competitors for Olympics and for other sporting events. Is your sense that the gyms and the administrators turn a blind eye to this activity?

MA: The first story that we did talk about USA Gymnastics failing to report suspicions of sexual abuse to authorities, to police, to child welfare agencies. So we did find evidence of things literally being just sort of put into a drawer and forgotten. Now if people have asked was this a cover up. Well we're going to just let people read and kind of decide that for themselves.

CO: But you do have stories and examples where coaches would be fired and they'd be moved around the country to different places and they would start working again with no file. Nothing about them having molested a girl in the last place, so is that happening? Because it's very much like the Catholic Church was accused of doing with priests?

MA: Yeah. There are a few things that have allowed that to happen. These local gyms a lot of them are just small businesses and some of these gym owners have just kind of pushed the predator sort of out the door and said just don't come back and we won't say anything because these people don't want their businesses connected with sexual abuse. There are also as well-known in gymnastics and other parts of society, a relatively small percentage of sexual abuse incidents are actually even reported to authorities. People might be embarrassed and they might be afraid the coach athlete relationship the power dynamic plays into that sometimes parents don't want their kids to go through a trial or the law enforcement process. They just want the healing to begin. So these people do move from gym to gym and USA Gymnastics doesn't provide the resources for these gym owners to do strong enough background checks. So it's a system that has allowed these people to move from gym to gym. Some of these gym owners are saying to USA Gymnastics please give us the resources. Help us out here so we can do a better job screening people and we can find out if somebody is been at four gyms for the last three years. We can find out why?

CO: You have spoken with some of the victims or people who have accused these coaches of doing things in their parents. Can you give an example of one of the cases where you were you found out just what was going on?

MA: A woman named Rachel Denhollander of Louisville Kentucky contacted us after our first story and she alleged she had been sexually abused by a longtime USA Gymnastics doctor, Larry Nassor. And she is alleging that he abused her under the guise of doing a medical procedure for pelvic pain and the aftermath of that is dozens and dozens more people coming forward and he is now under indictment by the Michigan Attorney General. And just last Friday, was arrested on federal child porn charges. And it's vital to understand that this one very brave woman who stepped forward made that happen. That guy would probably still be out there if it wasn't for Rachel Denhollander.

CO: Well Mark, it's very important story very important investigation you're doing and we will continue to follow your work. I appreciate speaking with you. Thank you.

MA: I appreciate you having me, Carol. Thanks.

JD: That's Indianapolis Star reporter Mark Alesia. In a new investigative piece in that newspaper, 368 American gymnast's alleged they were sexually abused over the past 20 years.

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Iceland weatherman

JD: Oh the weather outside is frightful, but if you're in Eastern Iceland, you might not know it. As we told you last night. Some people are upset at a weatherman for RUV TV. His pointing terrific, his meteorological knowledge second to none. The problem is where he stands not politically. Literally, Sigi Jonsson has a tendency to block parts of Eastern Iceland when he delivers his forecast. There was even a Facebook group called “Stop standing in front of East Iceland, dear weather forecasters.” After we aired the interview with sigi we heard about your beefs with some Canadian forecasters.

CO: Dee Helseth wrote on Facebook: “We feel the same about our CBC Winnipeg weathermen. He always blocks North Western Ontario.” And Graham Rannie commented that “Weather Network forecasters always stand where they block Manitoba and Saskatchewan. Guess we never have any weather is important here. But they do spend a lot of time telling the rest of Canada what the weather is in Southern and Eastern Ontario.”

JD: Yeah, and we also heard from some forecasters themselves on Twitter. CBC's Jay Scotland wrote: “I hear that a lot. One time I got a complaint about my overnight weather map showing a crescent moon during a waxing gibbous.” Thanks for passing that on Jay. Unless that was a euphemism for something.

CO: And finally weather presenter for CBC BC's early edition, Amy Bell tweeted: “When I was pregnant viewers complained I was blocking the Southern Interior more and more each day.”

JD: I think that one could be forgiven, yeah? Thanks to everyone who wrote in. You can post on our Facebook page, you can tweet at us both those accounts are CBC as it happens. Our email is aih@cbc.ca and if you would like to hear your actual voice on the actual radio, call us 416-205-5687.

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Part 2: Reading: “The Necklace”

Reading: “The Necklace”

JD: I know what to take to a holiday party: that stinky candle I got from my Secret Santa. But what to wear is it casual or formal? Dress-casual, casual-formal and even then, once I've found an ironed a clean pair of track pants there's the matter of the Christmas sweater. Should it be the ironically ridiculous one or the sincerely ridiculous one? And how about the novelty antlers too much? I don't know. I guess I just need to learn to keep it simple. If you don't the results can be disastrous as Mathilde Loisel learns in tonight's story “The Necklace” by Guy de Maupassant. It was first published in 1884. And it is read by the late great As It Happens host Al Maitland.

SOUNDCLIP

[Music: Christmas]

AL MAITLAND: She was one of those pretty and charming girls, born as though fate had blundered over her into a family of artisan's. She had no marriage portion, no expectations, no means of getting known, understood, loved and wedded by a man of wealth and distinction and she let herself be married off to a little clerk in the Ministry of Education. Her tastes were simple because she had never been able to afford any other. But she was as unhappy as though she had married beneath her. For women have no caste or class, their beauty, grace and charm serving them for birth or family. Their natural delicacy, their instinctive,e elegance their nimbleness of wit are their only mark of rank and put the slum girl on a level with the highest lady in the land. She suffered endlessly feeling herself born for every delicacy and luxury, she suffered from the poorness of her house from its mean was worn chairs and ugly curtains. All these things of which other women of her class would not even have been aware tormented and insulted her. The sight of the little Breton girl who came to do the work in her little house aroused heartbroken regrets and hopeless dreams in her mind. She imagined ante chambers heavy with Oriental tapestries lit by torches and lofty bronze sockets with two tall footmen and knee breeches sleeping in the large armchairs, overcome by the heavy warmth of the stove.

AM: She imagined vast salons hung with antique silks, exquisite pieces of furniture supporting priceless ornaments and small charming perfumed rooms created just for little parties of intimate friends. Men who were famous and sought after, whose homage aroused every other woman's envious longings.

AM: When she sat down for dinner at the round table covered with the three days old cloth, opposite her husband who took the cover off the soup tureen exclaimed delightedly. Ah Scotch broth. There's nothing better. She imagined delicate meals gleaming silver tapestries peopling the walls with folk of a past age and strange birds and fairy forest. She imagined delicate food served in marvelous dishes murmured gallantries listened to with an inscrutable smile as one trifled with the rosy flesh of trout or wings of asparagus chicken. She had no clothes no jewels nothing and these were the only things she loved. She felt that she was made for them. She had longed so eagerly to charm, to be desired, to be wildly attractive and sought after. She had a rich friend an old school friend whom she refused to visit because she suffered so keenly when she returned home. She would weep whole days with grief regret despair and misery. One evening her husband came home with an exultant air holding a large envelope in his hand. Here's something for you he said. Swiftly She tore the paper and drew out a printed card in which were these words. The Minister of Education and Madame ran Pinole request the pleasure of the company of monsieur and mademoiselle at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th. Instead of being delighted as her husband hoped she flung the invitation petulantly across the table murmuring what do you want me to do with this?

AM: My darling, I thought you would be pleased. You never go out and this is a great occasion. I had marvelous trouble to get it. Everyone wants one it's very select and very few go to the clerks. You'll see all the really big people there. She looked at him out of furious eyes and said impatiently, “and what do you suppose I am to wear at such an affair?” He hadn't thought about it he stammered. “Why the dress you go to the theatre in it. It looks very nice to me.” He stopped stupefied and utterly at a loss when he saw that his wife was beginning to cry. Two large tears ran slowly down from the corners of her eyes towards the corners of her mouth. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? He faltered but with a violent effort she overcame her grief and replied in a calm voice wiping her wet cheeks. “Nothing, only I haven't a dress and so I can't go to this party. Give your invitation to some friend of yours whose wife will be turned out better than I shall.” He was heartbroken. Look here Mathilde, he persisted. Look what would be the cost of a suitable dress which you could use on other occasions as well. Something something very simple? she thought for several seconds. Reckoning up prices and also wondering for how large a sum she could ask without bringing upon herself an immediate refusal and an exclamation of horror from the careful-minded clerk. At last she replied with some hesitation.

AM: I don't know exactly, but I think I could do it on four hundred francs. He grew slightly pale for this was exactly the amount he had been saving for a gun intending to get a little shooting next summer on the plane of Nanterre with some friends who went lark shooting there on Sundays. Nevertheless he said, “Very well I'll give you four hundred francs, but try and get a really nice dress with the money.” The day of the party drew near and Madam Loiesl seemed sad, uneasy and anxious. Her dress was ready, however. One evening her husband said to her. What's the matter with you? You've been very odd for the last three days. I am utterly miserable at not having any jewels. Not a single stone to wear she replied. I shall look absolutely no one. I would almost rather not go to the party. Wear flowers he said wear flowers. They're very smart at this time of the year. For ten francs you could get two or three gorgeous roses. She was not convinced. No. There is nothing so humiliating as looking poor in the middle of a lot of rich women. How stupid you are exclaimed her husband. Go and see Madam Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. You know quite well enough for that. She uttered a cry of delight. That's true. I never thought of it. Next day she went to see her friend and told her trouble. Madame forestier went to a dressing table took up a large box brought it to Mademoiselle opened it and said. Choose my dear.

AM: First she saw some bracelets, then a pearl necklace, then a Venetian cross in gold and gems of exquisite workmanship. She tried the effect of the jewels before the mirror hesitating unable to make up her mind to leave them — to give them up. She kept on asking. Haven't you anything else? Yes. Look for yourself. I don't know what you would like best. Suddenly she discovered in a black satin case a superb diamond necklace her heart began to beat. Covetously her hands trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck upon her high dress and remained in ecstasy at sight of herself. Then with hesitation she asked in anguish. Could you lend me this? Just this alone? Yes of course. She flung herself on her friend's breast embraced her frenziedly and went away with her treasure, the day of the party arrived, Madame Loiesl was a success. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling and quite above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her inquired her name and asked to be introduced to her. All the Undersecretaries of State were eager to waltz with her, the Minister noticed her. She danced madly, ecstatically, drunk with pleasure with no thought for anything in the triumph of her beauty and the pride of her success in a cloud of happiness made up of this universal homage and admiration. Of the desire she had aroused of the completeness of a victory so dear to her feminine heart. She left about four o'clock in the morning since midnight her husband had been dozing in a deserted little room in company with three other men whose wives were having a good time.

AM: He threw over her shoulders the garments he had brought for them to go home in modest everyday clothes whose poorness clashed with the beauty of the ball dress. She was conscious of this and was anxious to hurry away so that she would not be noticed by the other women putting on their costly furs. Her husband restrained her. Wait a little; you'll catch cold in the open. I'm going to fetch a cab. But she did not listen to him and rapidly descended the staircase. When they were out in the street they could not find a cab. They began to look for one, shouting at the drivers whom they saw passing in the distance. They walked down towards the Seine, desperate and shivering. At last they found on the quay one of those old night prowling carriages which are only to be seen in Paris after dark as though they were ashamed of their shabbiness in the daylight. It brought them to their door at their door in the Rue des Martyrs and sadly they walked up to their own apartment. It was the end for her as for him, he was thinking that he must be at the office at ten. She took off the garments in which he had wrapped her shoulders so as to set herself in all her glory before the mirror. But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer around her neck. What's the matter with you? Asked her husband already half undressed. She turned towards him in the utmost distress. I have no longer got Madame forestier’s necklace. He stared with astonishment.

AM: What impossible! They searched in the folds of her dress in the folds of a coat in the pockets everywhere they could not find it. Are you sure that you still had it on when you came away from the ball? He asked. Yes. I touched it in the hall of the Ministry. But if you had lost it in the street we should have heard it fall. Yes. Probably we should. Did you take the number of the cab? No you didn't notice that did you. No. They stared at one another dumbfounded. At last Loisel put on his clothes again. I'll go over all the ground we walked he said and see if I can find it. And he went out. She remained in her evening clothes lacking strength to get into bed huddled on a chair without volition or power of thought. Her husband returned about seven. He had found nothing. He went to the police station to the newspapers to offer rewards to the cab companies everywhere that a ray of hope impelled him. She waited all day long in the same state of bewilderment at this fearful catastrophe. Loisel came home at night his face lined and pale. He had discovered nothing. You must write your friend he said and tell her that you have broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it meant and that will give us time to look about us. She wrote at his dictation. By the end of the week they had lost all hope. Loisel, who had aged five years declared. We must see about replacing the diamonds.

AM: Next day they took the box which had held the necklace and went to the jewelers whose name was inside. He consulted his books. It was not I who sold this necklace Madame. I must have merely supplied the clasp. Then they went from jeweler to jeweler searching for another necklace like the first consulting their memories both ill with remorse and anguish of mind in a shop at the Palais Royal. They found a string of diamonds which seemed to them, exactly like the one they were looking for. It was worth forty thousand francs. They were allowed to have it for thirty-six thousand. They begged the jeweler not to sell it for three days and they arranged matters on the understanding that it would be taken back for thirty-four thousand francs if the first one were found before the end of February Loisel possessed eighteen thousand francs left to him by his father. He intended to borrow the rest. He did borrow it, getting a thousand from one man, five hundred from another. Five Louis here three Louis there, he gave notes of hand, entered into ruin as agreement's did business with bankers and the whole race of money lenders. He mortgaged the whole remaining years of his existence, risked his signature without even knowing if he could honor it and appalled at the agonizing fate of the future at the black misery about to fall upon him at the prospect of every possible physical privation and mortal torture. He went to get the new necklace and put down upon the jewelers counter thirty-six thousand francs when Madame Loisel took back the necklace to Madame Forestier’s. The latter said to her in a chilly voice you ought to have brought it back sooner. I might have needed it she did not as a friend had feared open the case. If she had noticed the substitution, what would she have thought? what would she have said? Would she not have taken her for a thief? Madam Loisel came to know that ghastly life of abject poverty. Right from the start she played her part heroically this fearful death must be paid off. She would pay it. The servant was dismissed. They changed their apartment. They took a garret under the roof. She came to know the heavy work of the house, the hateful duties of the kitchen. She washed the plates wearing out her pink nails on the coarse pottery and the bottoms of the pans. She washed the dirty linen shirt and dishcloths and hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water stopping on each landing to get her breath and clad like a poor woman. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher a basket on her arm haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched half penny of her money. Every month notes had to be paid off others to be renewed — time to be gained. Her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight merchants accounts and often at night he did copying at two pence halfpenny a page and this life lasted 10 years. At the end of 10 years everything was paid off — everything. The lenders charges and the accumulation of superimposed interest. Madam Loisel looked old now.

AM: She had become like all the other strong, hard, coarse women of poor households. Her hair was badly done. Her skirts were awry, her hands were red. She spoke in a shrill voice and the water slopped all over the floor when she scrubbed it. But sometimes when her husband was at the office she sat down by the window and thought of that evening long ago — of the ball at which she had been so beautiful and so much admired. What would have happened if she had never lost those jewels? Who knows? Who knows how strange life is, how fickle little is needed to ruin or to save. One Sunday she had gone for a walk along the Champs-Elysees to freshen herself after the labors of the week, she caught sight suddenly of a woman who was taking a child out for a walk. It was my Madame Forestier, still young, still beautiful, still attractive. Madam Loisel was conscious of some emotion. Should she speak to her? Yes, certainly. And now that she had paid she would tell her all why not?

AM: She went up to her. “Good morning, Jeanne.” The other did not recognize her and was surprised at being thus familiarly addressed by a poor woman. But Madame, she stammered I don't know you. You must be making a mistake. No. No I am Mathilde Loisel. Her friend uttered a cry. Oh my poor Mathilde, how you have changed. Yes I've had some hard times since I saw you last and many sorrows and all on your account.

AM: On my account how was that? You remember the diamond necklace you lent to me for the ball at the Ministry? Yes well? Well I lost it. How could you? Why you brought it back. I brought you back another one just like it. And for the last 10 years we've been paying for it. You realize it wasn't easy for us. We had no money. Well it's paid for at last and I'm mighty glad. Madam Forestier had halted. You say you bought a diamond necklace to replace mine? yes you hadn't noticed it they were very much alike and she smiled in proud and innocent happiness. Madame Forestier deeply moved, took her two hands. “Oh my poor Mathilde, but mine was imitation. It was worth at the very most only five hundred francs.”

JD: “The Necklace,” read by late As It Happens host Al Maitland. it was written in 1884 by Guy de Maupassant. And if you would like to hear that reading again or share it it's on our website cbc.ca/aih.

[Music: Ambient]

Dateline: McDonald’s lawsuit

JD: Two cheese burgers fries and a drink, put that all together what do you get? Well McDonald's calls that an extra value meal. But a Chicago area bus driver argues that it's still just two cheeseburgers, fries and a drink. James Gertie says that he regularly ordered that combo meal for a price of five dollars and ninety cents. But then to his astonishment he discovered that he could save $0.41 by ordering each of the items in the combo separately. You heard that right. The price of the extra value meal is allegedly more than the sum of its parts which is why Mr. Gertie contends the so-called extra value meal is quote no value at all let alone an extra value unquote. And because it's 2016 that quote comes from a lawsuit Mr. Gertie has filed against the local McDonald's franchisee. This was after his drive through inquiries yielded no satisfying explanations. He and his lawyers are seeking class action status for the lawsuit they are out for damages and an injunction against the $0.41 cent price hike. But Mr. Gertie says it's not about the money it's about the principle of the thing. Oscar Wilde once wrote that a cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Well James Gertie is no cynic. He knows value when he sees it and he knows extra value when he doesn't.

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Part 3: As It Happened: The Nose Episode

Prologue

JD: During the holiday season we are bringing you some of the very best stories we have ever aired on this program. We will be digging into the As It Happens archives to bring you some of the best stories from our past through encore presentations of “As It Happened: The Archive Edition.” And now here is tonight's encore presentation of As It Happened.

[Music: Rock]

JD: Hello there, I'm Jeff Douglas and this is “As It Happened: The Archive Edition”, the show that brings you the very best from the As It Happens archives this week it's the nose episode. We're going to speak with a man who got a toothpick stuck up his nose while drinking a martini.

SOUNDCLIP

SPEAKER: I couldn't imagine what might happen if I were to sneeze.

JD: We’ll hear from a 12 year old British girl who set a world record by sneezing every 20 seconds for nearly 200 days straight.

SOUNDCLIP

SPEAKER: [Sound: Sneeze] but it all started out as a cold.

JD: and we will interview someone whose sense of smell is so accurate that he is often called in as an expert in any variety of investigations.

SOUNDCLIP

SPEAKER: It's an excellent sense smell and a highly trained.

JD: “As It Happened: The Archive Edition, radio that makes odor of the chaos.

[Music: Rock]

Toothpick to the nose

Guest: Daniel Malamud

JD: It all began with Daniel Malamud drinking a martini. And it ended in a Philadelphia hospital with removal of a toothpick from within. Dr. Mahlamud’s nose In 1986 Dr. Malamud told farmer As It Happens host Dennis Trudeau what happened in between.

DENNIS TRUDEAU: Dr. Malamud, how did you get a toothpick up your nose?

DANIEL MALAMUD: My frequent activity upon returning home is to have actually a Gibson, which is like a martini except that it uses onion rather than olives. And I very often eat the onions first and then I'm stuck there with a toothpick and what to do with it. So I had put the wooden toothpick back into the glass. And when I did a “bottoms up” the swallows the rest of the drink, the two sticks floated from the glass into my mouth and I actually partially swallowed it. That was actually the worst part of the incident because it was it was lodged in my windpipe.

DT: That was very frightening, isn’t it?

DM: That’s very frightening. I was having some trouble breathing. And I what I did was I tried to throw it up. I thought I could regurgitate it. I think this is the most remarkable you have to understand a little bit of anatomy here. But on the roof of the mouth there is an opening between the nose and the mouth. It is a rather small opening and the toothpick was capable like a canoe actually, I guess, to float up and go pointed-end first to this opening it went in about a third of the way and since the toothpick widens, it actually lodged there. And I couldn't tell how far, to me it felt like it was all the way up my nose.

DT: You couldn't feel it in your mouth anymore?

DM: I couldn't feel it in my mouth and in fact, it was it was still protruding from the mouth as I was to learn later.

DT: Was it hurting in there?

DM: Was it hurting? It was an irritant I would say. It was nowhere near as frightening as it was before. My biggest fear was sneezing, I couldn't imagine what might happen if I were to sneeze. It sounded as if one had a nasal congestion. So at that point my wife managed to get me to the emergency room with a local hospital.

DT: What did they say to you? Did they put you at the bottom of the list?

DM: It was incredible! You come into this place. The first thing you do is there's a receptionist there who looks very bored. And she says, “what's the problem?” And I said, “I have a toothpick up my nose.” She said, “What?” And I said, “I have a toothpick up my nose. She said, “how on earth did you do that?” I said that I was drinking a martini. And so that got her to kind of shake and she looked up to just the minute she went in the back room and came back with one of the residents and said, “Tell him!” And I said, “I have a tooth pick up my nose.” Well, I thought they're going to fall over.

DT: [Sound: Laughter] with laughter?

DM: With laughter, right. And when Dr. Murphy finally came to see me, she brought out a tray of tools she in fact, went in with a mirror and could see that about two thirds of the toothpick was in fact protruding and she came in just with a forceps, pulled straight down and it came right out.

DT: Are you still drinking martinis?

DM: Oh yes.

DT: And are the martinis shaken or stirred?

DM: Oh, only stirred — only stirred — never shaken.

DT: Thanks Dr. Malamud.

DM: My pleasure.

DT: Bye.

DM: bye bye now.

JD: Dr. Daniel Malamud had a toothpick removed from his nose at a hospital in Philadelphia in 1986. He was speaking with former As It Happens host Dennis Trudeau.

[Music: Up-tone]

Nail to the nose

Guest: Prax Sanchez

[Music: Up-tone]

JD: After firefighter and superhero, it may be the dream occupation of young kids around the world later in the program we will hear from the world's leading expert on nose picking. That still ahead on “As It Happened: The Archive Edition.”

[Music: Up-tone]

JD: Something really surprising happened to Prax Sanchez when he had an MRI. Mr. Sanchez lives in Colorado Springs and Carol spoke with him one month after his MRI in April of 2009.

CO: Hello, Mr. Sanchez?

PRAX SACHEZ: Yeah.

CO: Can you tell us why you had to go for the MRI in March?

PS: Well, the reason I went see I've been losing the hearing in my right ear. I've been going to a hearing specialist. He said, “Well, I think I've done just about everything. I can accept a hearing aid.” He said, “No let's try something else,” he said, “let's send you for an MRI.”

CO: So you went to have the MRI. But what happened? You couldn't complete that could you?

PS: When they finally completed it, but before it happened I went to lay down on the MRI machine and I got a real bad pain under my right eye.

CO: Oh gosh. And so they found something with the MRI? They thought they thought they could see something?

PS: Well, they told me they were having a lot of interference because of the metal in my face.

CO: Did you know anything about that?

PS: No I sure didn't. Then they asked me if I had had any X-rays or anything like that recently and I said oh about a year ago and I told them where. And they went ahead and run me through the MRI machine and in the meantime the doctor had sent for my X-rays and when they finished with all that he said, “you definitely have a piece of metal that looks like a toothpick in your sinus behind your nose.”

CO: So did you leave the office then?

PS: Well, I left the office then and then about a half block away from the office I coughed and then a nail came up through my throat.

CO: A what?

PS: A nail.

CO: A nail came up into your throat?

PS: Yeah. So I spit it out. And he was a finishing nail.

CO: So what did you do?

PS: Well, I went back to where they gave me the MRI and I showed it to them.

CO: Did they explain how it managed to come out suddenly like that?

PS: No, well see the MRI table is magnetic and they think the magnet of the machine loosened it up from wherever it was.

CO: Do they have any idea how long that might have been there?

PS: Well the doctor says it’s probably 30 to 40 years.

CO: So can you think of anything you were doing 30 or 40 years ago that you were you might have taken to nail up your nose?

PS: No.

CO: How could it stay there? Did they explain to you how it is that you could?

PS: They said that the membranes in your body will grow around it and it will just sit there.

CO: Did you have pain ever over those years?

PS: No, I never had no pain. A little over a year ago I got dizzy and I went to emergency and that's when they took a CAT scan pictures, but they didn't find anything.

CO: Since the nail has come out of your nose. Do you feel different?

PS: No I don't feel any different than before.

CO: Where is the nail now?

PS: On top of my dresser.

CO: And what are you going to do with it?

PS: I'm going to frame it and hang it up.

CO: [Sound: Laughter] what does it mean to you to see that nail then?

PS: Just thankful that is not in my body anymore.

CO: Yeah, getting a nail out of your nose is a good thing isn’t it?

PS: Well yeah. But they don't know how it got in there. Doctors don't know, it's just a mystery.

CO: Mr. Sanchez, it's quite a story. Thanks for speaking with us.

PS: OK.

CO: bye bye.

PS: bye.

JD: That was Carol in conversation with Prax Sanchez in 2009. Mr. Sanchez lives in Colorado Springs.

[Music: Electronica]

Uncontrollable nose trumpet

JD: Here's what it sounds like when a trombonist is struck by the sudden uncontrollable urge to play the nose trumpet.

SOUNDCLIP

[Sound: Beautiful orchestra music punctured by a loud honk]

JD: [Sound: Laughter] that's powerful stuff that was an orchestra at a church is Tiptree, Essex, England with some expected punctuation from a trombonist who was unable to stifle a sneeze.

[Music: Rock]

Nose picker professor

Guest: James Jefferson

JD: In September of 1991 Wisconsin psychiatrist, James Jefferson made international news when it was announced that he would be the world's very first leading expert in an area many of us delved into as children: Dr. Jefferson is the first known specialist on the topic of nose picking. He dug into the minutiae of his new job with former As It Happens host Michael Enright.

MICHAEL ENRIGHT: Dr. Jefferson, how many nose jokes have you had today, so far?

JAMES JEFFERSON: Aside from yours?

ME: [Sound: Laughter] I'm just wondering if your colleagues are flooding you with them.

JJ: Everybody who has heard about this is taking it not as seriously as I would like them to. Which suggests to me that it has some meaning to everyone.

ME: Aha.

JJ: It's not a bland topic to say the least.

ME: It's a cultural thing isn't it?

JJ: I think.

ME: I guess that's what you want to find out?

JJ: We want to find out because much to my amazement, when I searched the medical literature trying to find information about the subject. There's nothing there. There is an occasional reference to nose picking being the cause of nosebleeds and kids. An occasional reference to extreme nose pickers. We found actually in a dental journal, a case of a woman who literally picked her nose away. Until when you looked at her in profile you saw a concavity where her nose was.

ME: No!

JJ: The reference was to her compulsively picking at her nose, but the interest as this went out I got a call from a plant manager and he said that they've had an enormous problem with one of their employees leaving nose pickings on the wall over the urinal.

ME: Oh God!

JJ: That sounds disgusting, but it may not be rare. And apparently this is such an excess that they had actually posted a reward — in the factory — to try and find out who this person is and get them to go out.

ME; How did they word it?

JJ: Well, I don't have the wordings of the reward, but you can imagine what it might be like. and obsessive compulsive disorder is a big league psychiatric disorder affecting several million people in the United States. Now nose picking? Who knows if it ties in?

ME: How are you going about the survey? Who are going to survey? what kinds of questions you're going to ask?

JJ: Well, a survey is a pilot survey it is going to be sent to twelve hundred randomly selected individuals in Dane County that's the county in which Madison, Wisconsin is located.

ME: Right.

JJ: And essentially what it does is it presents them with a cover letter saying that the University of Wisconsin is conducting a survey of a condition known scientifically as a Rhinotillexomania.

ME: Rhinotillexomania?

JJ: “Rino” meaning “nose” “tillexo” meaning “pick” and “mania” meaning “doing something excessively.”

ME: Right. And you may you may uncover some rhinotillexomaniacs in your survey?

JJ: And we may very well. I think what we're going to uncover in interviews like this, are people in your listening audience who either have a problem with this or know someone who has.

ME: What kinds of questions will be asked to elicit information?

JJ: How old are you? What your race, education, employment and status and stuff like that? Have you ever picked your nose? Do you still pick your nose? How would you rate the severity of your nose picking? Do you put your nose in public? If so, where in public? Apparently from what people tell me in cars, which is semipublic, it's fairly common.

ME: Right.

JJ: What do you do with the material that you removed?

ME: where do you put it? Yeah. When will the results start coming in do you think? When will you be able to make some draw some inferences?

JJ: About the end of this week and I suspect they'll dribble back in over several weeks. We're hoping that there will be enough of a return so that the information makes some sense.

ME: I wish you hadn't said dribble, but all right.

JJ: I hadn't even thought of that one.

ME: See you see where my head is? You'll be delighted to know that our program runs across Canada at supper time, Dr. Jefferson.

JJ: Well, we're going to have a few people that are eating less eating, eating less of what though?

ME: Or are fleeing to the television. We'll get back to you and I did not make any of those jokes during our conversation.

JJ: I was told you were going to and I appreciate that you didn’t.

ME: Thank you very much. Thank you for joining us Dr. Jefferson.

JJ: Pleasure.

ME: Bye bye.

JJ: Bye.

JD: From 1991, that was former As It Happens host Michael Enright. Speaking with psychiatrist James Jefferson the world's first expert on nose picking. Michael reached Dr. Jefferson in Madison, Wisconsin what you didn't hear in that and it was co-host Alan Maitland describing that interview as quote, “yucky.”

[Music: Jazz]

The wrong nose

JD: And now from 1984 here is former As It Happens host Alan Maitland.

ALAN MAITLAND: Dateline Dortmund West Germany.

[Music: Dateline theme]

AM: A man convicted of bank robbery because of his long nose was freed today after two years in jail when a court-appointed nose experts said he had been incorrectly identified. Klaus Peter Zimmer had been serving a six year sentence largely based on witness’s court testimony and a photograph of a man with a long nose holding up the bank. But the expert confirmed that it was the wrong schnozzle. I guess you could say Zimmer wins by a nose.

JD: From 1984, that was former As It Happens host Alan Maitland.

[Music: Electronica]

Endless sneezing

Guest: Tricia Reay

JD: In October of 1979, 12-year-old Tricia Reay began sneezing and after one hundred and fifty six days, she was still sneezing. She sneezed for so long that she set a Guinness World Record. Miss Reay was living in Sutton Coldfield, England at the time and she spoke with the former As It Happens host Barbara Frum. After her One hundred fifty-sixth day of sneezing, this is from March of 1980.

BARBRA FRUM: How did it all begin?

TRICIA REAY: [Sound: Sneeze] but it all started off as a cold and I usually have a cough, but this time I didn’t have a cough.

BF: [Sound: Sneeze] And how often do you sneeze?

TR: About each twenty seconds.

BF: What's that done to your nose?

TR: Well, it has made it very sore. Nobody is allowed to tuck it or anything.

BF: My goodness, does it do this at night to?

TR: [Sound: Sneeze] once I’m sound asleep I am alright, but if I half wake up then I sneeze.

BF: So when your brain is truly resting it doesn't do it?

TR: No.

BF: Do you think the problems in your brain are in your nose?

TR: The latest theory is… [Sound: Sneeze] there is something in the brain that is telling it to keep on sneezing.

BF Is this just driving you absolutely crazy?

TR: Yes.

BF: What do your schoolmates say?

TR: [Sound: Sneeze] well, today they wanted my autograph.

BF: Because you're getting famous now? Have you heard from the girl that used to have the record before you broke it because apparently her sneezing was cured? Do you want me to say that again?

TR: Yes please.

BF: Her sneezing was cured.

TR: By electric shock wasn’t it?

BF: Yes, are they going to try that on you?

TR: I wouldn’t mind if they did. But they haven’t done anything yet.

BF: Do you have to blow your nose after every sneeze or do you just keep on going now to just keep on going?

TR: I just keep on going now.

BF: What have they tried on you?

TR: Well, They’ve given me lots of tablets of all different kinds. They anesthetized my nose and they hypnotized me. [Sound: Sneeze.]

BF: Oh this is terrible; you’ve sneezed about 10 times since we've started talking.

TR: I just wish it would go.

BF: Do people laugh at you?

TR: They look at you to say why do you have such a bad cold? Especially one lady at Christmas, se was very rude.

BF: What happened?

TR: I was in the shop with my mom and she made a comment quite loudly about me saying. “You shouldn’t be out with such a bad cold.

BF: Well I hope they fix you soon Tricia. Well good luck to you. Bye bye.

JD: Twelve year old Trisha Reay speaking with the late As It Happens host Barbara Frum in 1980. She was finally cured after taking a family trip to the Pyrenees where the change in altitude put an end to her sneezing.

[Music: Electronic]

Smelly shoes

Guest: Richard Duffy

JD: Richard Duffy smells, and that is not to say that he stinks. But rather that he smells for a living. Mr. Duffy is the founder of Odor Science and Engineering Incorporated in Hartford, Connecticut. His job is to stick his nose in other people's business. His company works for legal firms, government agencies and manufacturers who are concerned with the environment or anyone who wants to identify sources of odors. Mr. Duffy spoke with former As It Happens host Michael Enright in June of 1992.

ME: Mr. Duffy How's the nose today?

RICHARD DUFFY: Seems to be in fine working order.

ME: Do you check your every morning by sniffing a few vagrant odors or?

RD: Not if I can help it.

ME: You you've got an incredible sense of smell. I mean this is a given?

RD: It's an excellent smell and it's been highly trained.

ME: When did you realize you had the gift?

RD: As an undergraduate student in chemistry. I was a chemistry major and I got into one of the courses you get is a qualitative organic analysis, which is basically a laboratory course where you have to identify a bunch of unknowns. And I found that I was able to identify five of the six because I recognized their odor. I found I had a good memory for it and once I smelled something I could recall what it was that smelled like that.

ME: Do you find that it's a problem sometimes because you're overwhelmed by odors that are malodorous?

RD: No, I think by now I've been in this so long — 36 years — that now that I've experienced probably some of the worst odors you can conceive of, most things are not too bad.

ME: What is then the worst smell you've ever smelled?

RD: Well, up until about three weeks ago the worst smell I've ever encountered was in a rendering plant in Central Iowa in the middle of the summer.

ME: What happened three weeks ago?

RD: Well, stupidity. I was working in the chemical plant and we were sampling a process in the midst of a compound known as [incomprehensible] essence of rotten fish.

ME: Essence of rotten fish?

RD: It is the standard for rotten fish odor. And I was trying to take a sample using a very small micro-syringe to take the sample and I didn't seem to be achieving much success with this. So I made the mistake of opening the valve on the sampling line and proceeded to get doused with it which is also very choking, irritating, coughing, burning my eyes, burning, coughing and overcome with odor and shut this doggone valve all at same time which I did. I walked into my office an hour later driving up and my business manager said, “Oh, you stink” I was evicted from my own office. I went home. My wife threw me out my car smelled for a week. I was in choir practice just before Easter and I kept smelling it there, this three or four days later. I said, “Why am I smelling rotten fish?” I was wearing the shoes and wearing at the time.

ME: Oh God, It can be a lonely job, can't it?

RD: Yes it can.

ME: Well I'd like to meet you sometime if you change your shoes.

RD: I promise I have disposed of those shoes.

ME. Mr. Duffy, It's good to talk to you. Thank you.

RD: Thank you. Bye bye.

JD: From June 1992, that was former As It Happens host Michael Enright. Speaking with odor scientist, Richard Duffy. Mr. Duffy was reached in Hertford.

[Music: Suspenseful]

Nose musician

Guest: Viv Fischer

JD: Viv Fisher is a man who likes to toot his own horn. He also likes to use his nose to toot the cornet, trombone and tuba. Mr. Fischer is an expert in making the sounds of brass instruments using his mouth and nose. And so, with multi-tracking, Mr. Fisher can sound like an entire military band As It Happens. Guest host Eric Malling spoke with Fischer in 1981. Mr. Fisher was in Eastburn, England.

ERIC MALLING: Mr. Fischer, This sounds like quite a talent. Is it something you're born with or something you spend a lifetime learning?

VIV FICHER: Probably neither. It grew out of a sort of boyish, great enthusiasm with military bands, but there was no band locally where I live that I could join. So I just had to make up my own.

EM: We're going to have to hear a sample of your amazing talent. Are you ready?

VF: OK.

[Sound: Music]

EM: That's quite something. There is no musical instrument there at all?

VF: Not at all. But there are effectively about voices, or at least thirty times myself because I did use a multi-track tape recorder to build up that total sound.

EM: So you go over and over again to sound like the brass band?

VF: That's correct.

EM: Tell me how you make these noises? Do you use your hands do you do funny things with your nose and mouth?

VF: It is mainly the mouth. And of course, the lips and the whole speaking and singing apparatus is abused in one way or another to produce them I mean percussive sounds for example, the bass drum you rely a lot on the lips.

EM: Well do you do things with your hands? how do you look when you're doing when you're doing a tuba doing a trumpet or anything?

VF: When I get really carried away I suppose I might just once or twice mime what I'm doing. But the hands are really only used for special effects. Not on the recording we've just heard, but I might need to pinch my nose to get a muted trumpet sound.

EM: Show me a trumpet.

VF: Let’s see, a little theme from that number we've just heard. [Music]

EM: Oh come on, you've got a trumpet there you're fooling us.

VF: Short of getting a solicitor in to sign an oath or something… name any other instrument.

EM: Ok how about a tuba. You wouldn't have time to bring that up?

VF: Here we go. [Music]

EM: That's quite something. What else do you do? What are you proudest of?

VF: I think the trombone. Here goes the trombone [Music]

EM: Do you know what you need? You need to find some other people with the same abilities that you have. Then you can have the brass band playing all at once.

VF: That would be nice.

EM: How about instead of just saying good bye. You could play us “The Last Post.”

VF: I'll start it I don’t know if I know it all the way through. [Music]

EM: What a signature. Thank you very much, Mr. Fischer.

VF: It’s a pleasure. Bye, Eric.

JD: From 1981 that was As It Happens guest host Eric Malling speaking with Viv Fischer, a one man Brass Band. Mr. Fischer it was in Eastburn, England and Eastburn is approximately 80 kilometers from Reading, England or 29000 trombones laid end to end.

[Music: Rock]

JD: That is it for this encore presentation of “As It Happened: The Archive Edition.” You can also find all the episodes on our website www.cbc.ca/aih click on it As It Happened under the “features” tab. Our thanks or our special thanks to Keith Hart and the team at CBC Radio Archives to our Writer Chris Howden for help with the words. And of course to our Technician Director Reynold Gonsalves. “As It Happened: The Archive Edition” is produced by Lori Allen, I’m Jeff Douglas. Have a good night.

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Dec. 21, 2016 episode transcript

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