WASHINGTON, DC—David Saint-Jacques, the next Canadian astronaut selected to go to space in November 2018, told a group of horrified reporters this morning that his only musical skill is playing the triangle in a decidedly tentative manner.

"I sort of half-learned it in Grade 9," he whispered, his voice trembling with fear. "I haven't… I haven't played since then."

Chris Hadfield, the previous Canadian in space, recorded a full-length album, collaborated with the Barenaked Ladies, released a song on CBC Radio, and filmed a music video in which he performed a deeply moving rendition of David Bowie's Space Oddity – all while commanding the International Space Station.

"I mean, there's a lot you can do with the triangle, I assume," Saint-Jacques explained. "I've been practicing and I'm happy to say that I've almost got the first part of Who Let the Dogs Out by Baha Men. I've got a couple of years to get it fully nailed down. Right, guys?"

Saint-Jacques says he's also been trying to learn to play the Canadian national anthem but that so far, it sounds pretty much identical to Who Let the Dogs Out.

"I can never remember!" he added, rubbing his face in frustration. "Do you hold the little banging stick thingie with your left hand or your right? And how do you stop that gosh darn triangle from moving and twirling around so much? That's what I want to know!"

At that point, the painfully quiet room of reporters simply stared at him in disbelief.

"I understand that I have some pretty big moon boots to fill," Saint-Jacques mused solemnly.

He then added that there are some additional, lesser-known benefits to having the triangle on board the International Space Station.

"When there's downtime, the crew and I can sit around and play 'Name That Tune' for hours! Ever played 'Name That Tune' on the triangle? It's a trip, you guys."