Life advice from former Seventeen editor-in-chief, Ann Shoket, is just as straight up as we'd hoped

Finding that lust for life can be challenging sometimes. We're caught in a revolving door of opportunities and misfortunes, absorbing lofty notions about "pursuing our passion," while finding ways to actually, you know, survive, financially.

Barriers, insecurities and social disconnects can cripple our progress, and a new book penned by former editor-in-chief of Seventeen Magazine, Ann Shoket, addresses this juxtaposition, suggesting we should "embrace the mess" and reclaim our own meaning in work. Shoket wants to squash the notion of "having it all," and the book is a sort of security blanket for those looking to reconnect with what they want.

"I had a front row seat at the changing pace and values for young women," says Shoket. "And this generation of young women are so focused on ambition, success and redefining what it means to be successful. I know they're powerful and I want to help them own that power, but I want the rest of the world to recognize it too."

After exiting Seventeen three years ago, Shoket re-evaluated her own life and soon began researching, laying the groundwork for what would become The Big Life.

One of her main ways of conducting this research was done through her "Badass Babes" dinners, which invited women—from rock star moms to lawyers—to have real talks about work, life, ambition and all the fears sandwiched in between. These dinners served various purposes including one discussion on a struggle she faced when starting out in the publishing business.

"When I was younger I'd say yes to everything: dinners, cocktails, meet-ups, galas. I'd be at health events, beauty events or dating events, but I didn't know exactly what was meaningful, I was all over the map. I'd be at these events not knowing what I was doing or what the purpose of me being there was," says Shoket.

This is a sentiment many young women, whether you work in finance or media, fashion or public policy, can probably relate to. Networking is an activity that's ingrained in the fabric of work, whether you get what you want out of it is another story.

Fast forward to present day and Ann's figured that part out and for her, saying yes now has to have "this thread of helping women…when it's [her] chance to support [her] sisters and help women be their most amazing selves."

Many of the organizations she champions including Grace Outreach focuses on women helping women, providing opportunity in education and empowerment regardless of socioeconomic circumstance.

Shoket speaks about this sisterhood similar to what many young females may experience in a sorority. Letting women know they can have the conversations, they can support one another, and allowing them to voice their frustrations around the dinner table made for an array of truths to be told.

"Millennial women are changing the dynamic, they're replacing competition with collaboration," she says. "Their bosses aren't helping them, their mom's can't understand the texture of their lives, the ins and outs, and the details of their business." Shoket stresses there's power in numbers and not to just "crowdsource information through newsfeeds and social networks," but to actually surround "yourself with women who are devoted to helping each other."

In the book Shoket recounts the questions asked at these dozen or so dinners, questions like "How do I get paid what I'm worth?" and "How do I get unstuck and have ambition in my personal and professional life?" She'd also ask people to think about what was keeping them up at the three o'clock in the morning.

On money:

"I tell women to forget about 'what you're worth' just get paid well. You don't know what your worth is and that means you'll settle, frankly. If you put yourself in a small place, other people are going to see you as small."

Yet she does see value in doing things for free or on the cheap if it's "for the experience, the strategy, the growth." This all plays into one's side hustle, according to Shoket. "You're not doing your side hustle to pay the bills," Shoket notes. "Your job is meant to pay the bills. Your side hustle pays you in self respect; it's the thing that allows you to try something new, put yourself in charge, gain bragging rights perhaps or add meaning to your life, and it can also give you a greater sense of community."

On motivation:

"Ambition, for this generation, is about making a mark on your own terms, and I think if you've lost the thread of your dream then you have to get back to that vision you had for yourself. Maybe it was when you were 16 years old, imagining all of your possibilities in the world." Furthermore, Shoket says "when you're de-motivated and drained, you've lost the thread of the dreams and you need to get back to the dream."

She also points out that the dream you may have had is often connected to greater meanings.

"Did that 'dream' interest you because it gave you the hope of stardom? Validation? Impact on the world? Freedom?" Shoket says these are the questions and inner chats we've all had with ourselves, but that we need to reclaim those meanings.

"Go back to what matters to you, that's the thread you should seek in your work. Worry about 'your passion' later, or forget about it altogether."

Shoket's emphasis on dreaming big extends not just to Millennials, but teenagers who are just discovering their possibilities. "The whole point of being 16 years old is to dream about how you're going to make your mark, so dream bigger than anything you can possibly see around you. The world is big, endless, and possible."

To the women she speaks to in the book, the women who are often dubbed as "lazy, entitled Millennials," Shoket offers a different analysis of the generation.

"It's really hard to own your power when someone else sees you as small and annoying, and I think this discernment comes from a place of fear that Millennials, particularly Millennial women are changing the rules of work and change is hard for everyone, particularly the bosses that are angered [Millennials] don't want to play by the rules they set up."

"I think we should all be Millennial, I mean those women around my dining room table, the things I learned from them, that's going to help me in the phase of my own career and life, and that's inspiring."

Shoket doesn't want people thinking she's "delivering her advice from up high," though, she wants women to know "we're all in this together."

To get to know more about Ann Shoket, check out our rapid fire round below.

Life with Ann Shoket

What is a great resource you swear by?

Fresh Direct – having milk, eggs and pasta delivered without barely having to think about it frees up my brain and my time to work on other things.

What time of day are you most inspired or productive?

The second cup of coffee kicks in at 8:00 AM and that's when I'm ready to face the day.

The one book you'd recommend to everyone:

Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

Favourite thing to do with your down time?

Read to my kids!

Song you can't stop listening to right now?

I'm having a moment with the Janet Jackson station on Pandora—the early '90s R&B speaks to me.

You have an entire weekend to binge watch stuff—what's it going to be?

Glow on Netflix, Big Little Lies on HBO, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on The CW

What's your poison?

A crisp, ice-cold glass of rosé.

Your go-to signature dish?

At every dinner party I serve fancy frozen pizza, but I make a killer cheese plate.

What's your desert island beauty product?

Mascara.

Who is your favourite fashion designer?

I would buy everything Proenza Schouler if I could.

Your celebrity crush?

Idris Elba is looking good these days.

Secret internet obsession?

Net-a-Porter. I have an amazing wish list of shoes that I visit regularly.

What are you most afraid of?

Boredom.

If you could be any age for a week...

27 is perfect. You're out of that early 20s angst, but haven't reached that 'I'm about to be 30' pressure that sabotages so many women!

What's the best thing about being your age?

Confidence and perspective.

What's the worst thing about being your age?

Other people's fear of winding down/wrapping it up. Keep that anxiety away from me!

If you could come back as the child of anyone alive right now, who would it be?

Beyoncé! Those twins are going to have fun.

Biggest flaw:

Put. Down. The. Phone.

Favourite word or expression right now?

The power fist emoji.  

What keeps you awake at night?

That second glass of wine and the ping on my Twitter alerts.

What's your secret for focus?

Matcha latte and a quiet room.

Who would you like to be in an elevator with?

Lena Dunham—I like her best in small doses.

What are you most proud of?

Professionally – The Big Life.

Personally – Leonardo and Isabel, my kids.