The Goods

You asked, we answered: Can these relationships be salvaged or is it time to cut ties?

“I think he wants me to lose weight for the big day,” and other relationship predicaments tackled by the hosts of The Goods.
(Photography by Toa Heftiba, Via: Unsplash)

We all have those relationships, romantic or otherwise – the ones we just are not so sure about. And sometimes it can be hard to know if it's worth salvaging that bond or if it's time to call it quits. To help with all your toughest dating and friendship predicaments, we invited viewers to send in their most pressing relationship issues, and Andrea Bain and Shahir Massoud offered up their opinions on if they should end it or mend it.

My new girlfriend is really great. She's sweet, beautiful and seems very loving. There is just one problem, she only has one really close girlfriend. I have a pretty active social life and a big circle of close guy friends. Is her lack of friends strange? Is this new relationship worth pursuing? 

Shahir: MEND IT. As we get older, our groups of friends tends to get smaller, so one friend sounds normal enough. But tons of friends can be a pain too, so be careful what you wish for. Sounds like one solid companion is a great happy medium. He shouldn't complain.

Andrea: Maybe your fear is that when you're hanging out with your friends she's going to be alone, and you'll feel guilty. But here's this guy describing this wonderful girl, and he focuses on this tiny potential flaw in her? Perhaps she needs to break up with him. Maybe she likes to fly solo, or maybe she's new to the city and all her friends are back home. To the man, I say MEND IT, but to the lady, maybe it's time to start checking out other options.

My best friend and I have been friends for over 15 years. We've gone through a lot of ups and downs. My mom recently passed away and my friend wasn't there for me when I needed her the most. I feel like she really let me down. Can this friendship last?

Shahir: There's a question that needs to be answered here, because this friendship has been a long one. I think they need to ask their friend what happened. Were they sick? Maybe there was a reason they were unable to offer support when she needed it. A friendship this long can't end without at least asking the question. If the answer is bad, then you END IT.

Andrea: END IT. I know a few people who lost someone important to them, and they were so disappointed when their friends didn't reach out. Sure, there could be some extenuating circumstances, but nothing feels worse than losing someone and we depend on the friends we have to help us through times both good and bad. Sure, it's been a 15 year friendship, but in my opinion, you're only my friend until you're not.

Years ago I asked the girl of my dreams to marry me, and she turned me down. The rejection took me by surprise. To me, she is the one that got away. I'm in a new relationship now, but recently I heard from my ex and she says she wants me back. Should I end things with my current girlfriend and get back together with my ex?

Shahir: END IT. Take the former ex-girlfriend, and tell her to hit the highroad. She had her chance.

Andrea: END IT. I totally agree. You don't get a do over, ex-girlfriend. He probably looks great with his new lady on social media, and she's jealous. Ick. And even if they did get back together, she would always be in charge of that relationship, telling him when to go and when to come back.

I'm in the process of buying a wedding dress and my fiance has been dropping subtle hints about my weight. I think he wants me to lose weight for the big day. These comments bother me especially because I'm in the middle of dress shopping! Should I end my engagement?

Shahir: This one is so difficult. I'm tempted to say end it, because what is this guy saying? You're about to get married. Keep your comments to yourself. And if you're about to dedicate your life to someone, why do a few extra pounds matter? I don't think this guy is ready to get married. But if you are at that stage, you obviously need to have a discussion about what marriage means to you both before you make any drastic decisions. The outcome of that conversation might give you some clarity, so try and MEND IT before breaking off the engagement.

Andrea: I'm leaning toward MEND IT. Does he always talk about your weight? Then there's a bigger issue. But with a big event coming up, sometimes us ladies tell our boyfriends our weight loss goals, and ask them to tell us to say no to that extra piece of cake for extra motivation. I personally want a partner who knows how to tactfully tell me that I need to start watching my weight. You have to choose the right time and place, but if you choose the wrong time when she's in the middle of the dress shop, you picked the worst time.

My long-time friend got divorced last year after a twenty-year marriage. Since then she's morphed into a different person. She's obsessed with finding a new relationship, she's on dating apps all the time and ditches us at the last minute for men. I'm frustrated, should I try to mend this friendship?

Shahir: MEND IT. Obviously something dramatic happened in her life. It makes sense that she's acting a little out of sorts because she is out of sorts. Have a heart to heart. Say, "Hey, I know you're trying to find a mate, that's cool, but we need to be more respectful with our time." She'll figure it out eventually. Give her a chance to get back on her feet.

Andrea: MEND IT. Sometimes you ditch your girlfriends when you're entering a new relationship, and that can cause conflict. It's not ideal when it happens, but you can communicate this to your girlfriends to the lines of communication open. But to end the friendship because your girlfriend wants to focus on finding a mate? Maybe you don't agree, but she needs you around to help her if the next one she dates is a dud.

My friend and I have 10 year old sons in the same class and we all hang out together. She's warned me that her son's birthday party is coming up and she's not inviting my son.  All the other boys in the class will be going so this is a real snub to my son and my family. I've asked her why but she won't give me a straight answer. What should I do?

Shahir: END IT. As a new parent, the thought of this hurts to the bone. But as angry as I am, sometimes the best solution is to do nothing. This person isn't worth our time anymore. It's so rude to say that you're having a party and then point out that your kid isn't invited. I say cut ties, no ceremony or permission needed.

Andrea: END IT. No one wants to think about their kid as not being part of the group. But on the flip side, if no one gets along with this kid, why should they get to come to the party? If your child is old enough, maybe turn this into a teaching moment. In life, not everyone is going to love you, and that's ok. You're not going to get invited to every party, but you'll get invited to lots of other parties and you'll have a great time. I say take the high road and be cordial toward the mother to set an example for your son for how an adult handles situations. On the day of the party, maybe ask your son what they want to do for their own special afternoon, and have your own good time together. This mother isn't worth your time.