Tips for hosting a phone-free gathering this holiday season

Pop into Both Hands Wood-Fired Pizzeria & Bakery in Thunder Bay, Ontario, on a Wednesday evening and you may encounter an unusual phenomenon: diners actually talking to each other, no cell phones in sight. That's because owners (and spouses) Derek Lucchese and Sue Holloway have instituted a new ritual: "Both Hands Unplugged." Every Wednesday between 5 and 9 PM, the restaurant invites its customers to turn off and stash their cell phones inside an (opaque) jar on the table. At the end of a phone-free dinner, the restaurant will take 20% off the tab of anyone who participates in the "challenge by choice."

Unplugged — which, Derek is quick to point out, is Sue's brainchild — came out of the couple's "heartbreak" at seeing too many families coming in and not talking to each other. "Either the parent was on their phone the entire time, or they'd be using it to entertain a kid," he says. "Or we'd see couples out on a date night, but not talking to each other. And we thought of it as a bit of a missed opportunity for them to actually enjoy each other's company, and wondered if we could promote an opportunity for families to connect — but in a nonjudgmental way."

The response to the initiative, has been overwhelmingly positive. Their announcement on Facebook traffic was viewed 20,000 times —  far more than any of the restaurant's other posts. "It's really touched a nerve," says Derek. Sue says they have had full houses those nights, of  both regulars and new guests. "Folks are coming in and saying, 'Thank you for doing this.'"

Considering asking guests to unplug at holiday meals and gatherings? If you're itching to host a phone-free party, the two have some tips to help make the idea a success.

Give guests a heads up. No one wants to be ambushed at the front door with the news that their phones aren't welcome. Let guests know when you invite them that you're aiming for a screen-free event (or "opportunity"). That way they'll have time to mentally prepare for the concept (and to check email and Facebook one last time before ringing the doorbell). And those vehemently opposed to the idea can politely decline the invitation. However...

Make it voluntary. Both Hands calls its Unplugged evenings a "challenge by choice" for a reason — no one is forced to participate, and servers don't keep watch to see whether you check Twitter or send a text. Similarly, in the interest of not forcing this idea (or your values) on your guests, you may want to let them know that this is not mandatory.

People often have good reasons to want to keep their phones handy — maybe they're on call, or want to be accessible to the babysitter. Some people may simply find the entire exercise anxiety-provoking. Don't judge and  don't push it.

Provide a place to actually stash the phones. Look — if someone's phone is in their back pocket, it's way too easy for them to succumb to the urge to sneak a peek at it. Designate a drawer or a cookie tin to hold devices, or dedicate a (new) hanging shoe bag to holding phones, with a pocket for each guest. You can even buy a bag created for this express purpose —  Bagby offers a handmade, 8-pocket, canvas-and-burlap "digital wellness tool" specifically designed to store guests' phones.

Give people something to do instead. Sue, who has a background in group facilitation, has stocked the Both Hands phone jars with a variety of ice breakers, conversation starters and activities. A few contain copies of Gregory Stock's The Book of Questions. others contain gratitude journals where patrons can record what they're thankful for ("Grateful that she said yes — happily engaged!" is one recent comment), notebooks where they can contribute to creating an ongoing, shared story, or toys like spinning tops to calm fingers used to navigating screens. At your gathering, why not set out a deck of cards, fidget spinners, communal knitting projects, or other group activities to gently break the ice? Make snacks and hors d'oeuvres interactive — set out a couple of bowls of nuts in the shell with nutcrackers, or a build-your-own taco station.

Set boundaries. "Put a time limit on it. Maybe the entire evening doesn't have to be phone free, but phones go away once everyone sits down at the table for dinner," says Derek.

Incentivize it. Maybe the allure of more intimate conversation isn't quite enough motivation for some guests to give up their phones. Adding a reward could sweeten the pot. Give the guest who goes longest without checking a prize, or offer to donate five dollars to charity for every guest who takes up the challenge.

Make it a competition. This strategy works well at a bar or restaurant, especially for people who are motivated by winning: everyone puts their phones in the jar, and the first person to crack picks up the tab. Perhaps you're not doing the dishes alone after dinner this time.

Susan Goldberg is a writer and editor who lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario. Read more at susanlgoldberg.com.