WHAT A GENTLEMAN! Canadian boy won't make secret American girlfriend, who is definitely real, attend his prom

BURLINGTON, ON—Sometimes, even in this modern, selfish age, true love conquers all, and we've seen a great example of that today.

Todd Gerlinson, a Grade 12 student at St. Lucius Secondary School in Burlington, Ontario, has explained to his classmates that even though it would be wonderful to have his secret American girlfriend who nobody has met but who is definitely real be his date for prom, he's not going to make her spend all that time and money travelling for just one night.

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"I'm pretty impressed," said Gerlinson's friend Josh, who despite his closeness to Todd, has never even spoken to his girlfriend Petricilellia, and only seen her picture in her magazine perfume ads. "He says that even though he'd have a better time at prom if she were there because of how funny she is and how good she is at dancing and kissing, he doesn't want her to have to travel all the way from Texas just for one evening."

"Which, I thought he had said she lived in Colorado last time, but I guess he's a better listener than me."

Girls around the school were said to be swooning over Gerlinson's decision as well, according to Gerlinson.

"Yeah, they're really, really impressed, but that's just the kind of guy I am. I don't want to put Petricil...ell…ia? through that," Gerlinson explained. "Especially because I already get to see her every Tuesday and Wednesday at 6:30, that's where I am instead of going to dodgeball. I'm there in Texas visiting her, I'm not staying home just because dodgeball hurts so so much when the ball hits me, that's not what I'm doing."

At press time, Gerlinson said that if she did come, he'd just see her privately after prom, because he doesn't want her to be swarmed by people asking her about her perfume ads in the magazines, and then before school the next day he'd send her on a flight home back to Georgia where she lives.

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