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Comedy·TOUGH TALK

Trump tells North Korea if he knew where it was they'd be in big trouble

“If I knew where the country of Korea was—oh boy, you wouldn’t even, I mean it would be unbelievable. You’d really be surprised!”
CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / LMspencer)

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—Wow, they really dodged one there.

In response to recent missiles tests and seemingly aggressive gestures by North Korea, President Donald Trump issued a direct warning to the country's leader Kim Jong-un today, telling him that if he had any clue where North Korea was—or indeed any Asian country except China—they would be really be sorry right now.

"I'll tell you this, is the thing—and this is actually big, you'll want to know and hear about this, I think. A lot of people told me so," said Trump via video recording.

"If I knew where the country of Korea was—oh boy, you wouldn't even, I mean it would be unbelievable. You'd really be surprised!"

"In fact I took a look at a map for 45 minutes the other day, a custom-made map that I had made for me, with countries arranged in a way that pleases me and fits my previous assumptions, and I said… no idea. No clue fellas, but if I did: boom, bang, zoom."

Vice-President Mike Pence echoed Trump's sentiments, saying that given the president's mood recently, North Korea would be in big trouble if Trump even knew whether it was in the east or the west or that it was a separate country from South Korea.

"I mean, this guy—he's like a granola gorilla, he's so angry!" said Pence via teletype. "But he just doesn't know where it is. And some of us do know, particularly the folks in the foreign affairs department. But he doesn't want the help. Wants to figure it out himself. And I admire the heck out of that, I really do."

At press time, things may have been heating up as Trump pointed at the map and said "There it is!" not realizing he was pointing at a poster of John Travolta hung next to the map.

He couldn't tell a person was a different thing from a country on a map.

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