Trump has decided gravity is not real, announces Sean Spicer while clearly suspended by wires

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his latest briefing, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer's contentious relationship with the media may have finally reached its apex.

"We're used to him making some pretty bold claims. We don't even register a lot of them at this point," said ABC reporter Rebecca Nox. "But this one was a bit much, I think."

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Most mornings, the Press Secretary will enter the briefing room and walk to his podium. This morning, however, something was notably different.

"We were all waiting for Spicer to come in," recalled Nox. "Then suddenly, he comes flying in from the side of the room. I mean that literally. He was not walking. He was floating in the air."

Once he reached the podium, several feet above ground, Sean Spicer made what is likely to be his most controversial claim to date.

"Spicer got up there and told us that President Trump has decided that gravity isn't a thing anymore," sighed Rebecca. "After a few moments of shock, we started asking if he had any scientific basis to make this claim, or any kind of proof at all. Then one of us dropped a pen and was like, 'So how does Mr. Trump explain this then? Magic?' Spicer just kept interrupting us and telling us that this was Mr. Trump's opinion."

Eventually Mr. Spicer cut off questions and "flew" back out of the room.

"Yeah, he was very clearly not actually flying. We could all blatantly see that he was suspended by wires, and was moving around on some kind of pulley system," muttered Nox. "It looked like it was done pretty hastily, if I'm being honest. Maybe Trump decided this policy right before the briefing and this was the best they could do on short notice? I honestly don't know anymore."

Ms. Nox is currently considering applying for a job at ESPN, The Weather Network, E!, The Discovery Channel, or anywhere else that does not cover the current administration.

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