Trump excited to find new life on 7 planets so he can ban it all
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After NASA announced they discovered a solar system with 7 earth-like planets, US President Donald Trump is reportedly ecstatic at the potential of finding at least seven planets worth of aliens that he can ban from entering the United States.
"This is huge news, I just want to say," said Trump in a hastily-arranged press conference in the Rose Garden.
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"And I'm excited and I think the whole country should be excited. The idea of there being intelligent life that I could bar from ever entering this country—even after extreme vetting—I mean this is what I live for. If these guys are out there, they're out."
Chief of Staff Reince Priebus spoke about some of the many exciting implications of the discovery.
"I think this will really prove that President Trump's ban had nothing to do with religion," said Priebus.
"These potential planets are hundreds of thousands of miles away. It would be outrageous to assume that Muslim has reached any of those planets. It's doubtful that Muslim has reached any planets outside of earth, even Mars."
"So as soon as we ban any potential aliens—both illegal and literal—from these places, it will prove to the president's foolish critics once and for all that our ban has nothing to do with religion at all."
"We're just afraid of anyone not like us; not religion-specific at all."
At press time, Steve Bannon said that while it wasn't possible to know for sure, based on past depictions in popular movies, television shows, and comic books, there's no way these aliens are white. No offense to them.
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