Things I will do with all the time I saved writing 'thx'

1.

Practice grtitde

2.

Organize my spice rack from "Most reminiscent of a summer Tuscan evening on a moonlit patio" to "Least reminiscent of a summer Tuscan evening on a moonlit patio".

3.

Harvest wheat. Begin the planting shortly after the spring thaw, reaping the gloriously bountiful rewards come autumn.

4.

Take an eight-week hammock-making workshop. Create a hammock out of raw, organic materials. Kick back with the complete works of Oscar Wilde.

5.

Buy a ticket to Mongolia, take a yearlong sabbatical from work, spend that year on a yak sanctuary really working with my hands, really inhabiting my physical self, and connecting emotionally with locals until I feel a deep sense of inner peace and a simple clarity about what really matters in life.

6.

Financially plan for, conceive, give birth to, and masterfully raise a son into adulthood whose temperament exhibits a delicate, perfectly balanced mix of modern feminist sensitivities and a more traditionally masculine energy.

7.

Just as a fun thought experiment, travel back to 150 B.C. and mentally explore each and every geographical and political reality that led to the gradual but inevitable demise of the Mesopotamian Empire.

8.

Abandon my career as a writer so as to begin medical school, eventually going on to become the Chief of Pediatric Interventional Cardiology at Johns Hopkins.

9.

Dismantle and demolish the systemic forces in our society that, in just about every social and professional situation, reward confidence and punish those who are quieter and less self-assured. Somehow go back to the dawn of humankind and rewire the brains of the early Neanderthal so that psychologically, he responds differently to this difference, thereby setting the tone for all future human beings for millennia to come.

10.

Courageously join the nearest Starbucks lineup at 8:54 am on a Monday morning.

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