Comedy·PODCASTS

That's it, that's all the podcasts we need

Let me stop you right there, we already have that one.
(Shutterstock / Matej Kastelic)

It's official: We have all the podcasts we need. We are podcast-saturated.

"That's absurd," I can hear you saying already, "We don't have all the podcasts yet."

No? Try me.

"Well, any podcast is possible, like an infinite number of monkeys typing on an infinite number of typewriters."

Yes, I know. In fact we already have a podcast where they're doing that.

"No," you continue, "I heard about that one, yeah. I just mean the possibilities are endless. Like we don't have a podcast… um… for example… okay, off the top of my head… we don't have a podcast totally devoted to discussing what it would be like if one of the guys from Whose Line Is It Anyway? had been cast in Space Jam instead of Michael Jordan."

Oh, you haven't heard Send Proops to the Hoop? That's a shame. It's not bad. It's fine.

Like I said, we have literally all the podcasts. We need no more.

"But wait, wait, wait a minute," you protest, surely in vain.

"Okay, I didn't know about that one. Alright, sure, maybe we've got enough for now, but what if someday I decide I really want to hear a podcast that mostly discusses different styles of omelets, frittatas, and every other egg dish under the sun, but which also fits in a segment each episode covering the new types of pants and jeans on the market in stores that week? I don't want to hear that at the moment, don't really have much use for it, but if I want to someday and they've stopped making podcasts entirely, what will I do then??"

What will you do then? You'll do exactly the same thing you could do right now, listen to All the Eggs & Some Legs; it's hosted by two improv comedians and it's fine. It's not great, but it's fine. Most of them are fine, honestly, and we've got all the ones we need.

You need to begin looking at this not as a curse, but as a blessing.

With the time you'll save, you could do just about anything, like improving your golf game, or learning to paint, or coming up with a new collective noun to describe a niece and a nephew.

And you won't have to make any new podcasts, even if you feel you should. You won't be able to, because we'll have stopped the podcasts.

Please enjoy this time.

Oh and if you get a second, check out my podcast. It's about choosing a colour of wall paint that would best suit a given sword that you're mounting on the wall, and it's called Shades for Blades. Check it out, it's great.

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