Surgeon assures transplant recipient five-second rule 'totally applies' to internal organs

TORONTO, ON—After successfully performing his heart transplant surgery, Toronto General Hospital cardiologist Gordon Ross assured patient David Wychman that the five-second rule "totally applies" to internal organs.

According to reports, it is unclear whether the surgeon's comments were in specific reference to the nine-hour procedure he'd just performed or more of a general observation. Eyewitness accounts describe Ross' remarks as "ambiguous" and "informative" if not "unsettlingly off-handed".

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"The transplant was a complete success and I'm confident you will lead a long, healthy life," Ross said to the recuperating Wychman before walking out the door.

"Also, in case you hear otherwise, it's totally okay for an internal organ to touch the floor before being placed in someone's body," the doctor added upon popping back into the room after a two-beat pause.

He not only saved my life, he also for some reason informed me about that five-second rule thing, which came as a total surprise, to be honest.- Patient David Wychman

"So long as it isn't on the ground too long it's absolutely fine... Anyway, just wanted you to know that... Okay, bye!" he concluded before leaving the recovery room for good.

Wychman, who was diagnosed last fall with severe hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, has been recuperating well since the procedure and has expressed his gratitude to Ross for giving him both a second chance at life and some "great info" on surgical hygiene.

"I can't begin to thank Dr. Ross for what he's given me," said the 41-year-old electrician. "He not only saved my life, he also for some reason informed me about that five-second rule thing, which came as a total surprise, to be honest."

"I mean, you'd think logically that contamination would be determined by how much bacteria is on the floor, not how long it touches," Wychman added. "But Dr. Ross would obviously know better than me. It was an illuminating peek into the knowledge of a surgeon that I will always treasure."

When reached for comment, Ross went to great lengths to clarify that his remarks were in no way connected to Wychman's surgery and that "any similarity to events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

"I was just making conversation," explained the 35-year professional. "And if you think I said it because I dropped the heart in the middle of the operation and accidentally kicked it around comically several times while trying to retrieve it, you are mistaken."

Ross would go on to explain that "even if [he] had done so", dropping transplant organs on the floor during surgery is a common occurrence.

"It sounds worse than it is," the doctor concluded. "In reality, it's no less safe than when a surgeon accidentally drops his smartphone into a bodily cavity and leaves it there. Totally normal."

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