Comedy·NAMASTE

STUDY: Yoga popularity due solely to classes ending with 10-minute nap

A shocking new report indicates the interest growth is due to the appeal of "just lying there."

TORONTO—When yoga instructor Vince Laronde's classes started filling up last year, he assumed Justin Trudeau's viral "peacock pose" pic had inspired a new wave of millennials to embrace the ancient discipline. He was shocked when a Health Canada study revealed 72 per cent of residents who have started practicing yoga in the last year began to do so after learning each class ends with 10 full minutes of "just lying there".

"This offends me to my extremely well toned core," Laronde said. "This is an important yoga pose called savasana and it is much more than just lying there. You're also breathing and your eyes are closed."

"Yes, to untrained students this appears to be the same as sleeping, but there are major differences. First of all, you sleep in a bed, whereas this pose is practised on the floor, without a blanket. Unless you want a blanket, in which case we'll give you one."

Laronde was unable to cite any further differences.

Beginner yoga student Seema Raghavan, 28, said discovering savasana, or "corpse pose," through a cheap yoga class Groupon has changed her life.

"I work three jobs and last month I was almost fired for sleeping in the walk-in fridge at Red Lobster. This napping class thing allows me to snooze in a safe space," Raghavan said.

"Plus, when I leave for lunch with my yoga mat I just feel healthier, like I'm in a yogurt commercial or something."

When I leave for lunch with my yoga mat I just feel healthier, like I'm in a yogurt commercial.- Beginner yoga student Seema Raghavan

Self-proclaimed "gym rat" Tad Belding said he switched from circuit training to yoga because it allows him the benefit of both sleeping and posting locker room mirror selfies to Instagram.

"In the weight room they've always got the TV on CBC News. Ian Hanomansing is legendary, but today's headlines scare the shit out of me," said 25-year-old Belding.

"With yoga I get this comforting 10 minutes a day where a yogi dude covers me in a warm blanket and just tells me to breathe in a soothing voice."

However, not everyone is happy about the study's findings.

Heather Himmel, 38, said she has been practising yoga for two decades and that the lack of respect she has seen for the discipline has "rocked my chakra."

"Yesterday I was meditating when someone asked if he could borrow my yoga mat," Himmel said. "He said he wanted to use it as a mattress."

The same study also suggests that the 29 per cent boost in millennials donating blood is primarily due to the free juice and cookies, as they have been blowing significant portions of their grocery budgets on yoga Groupons.

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