Study confirms mosquitoes LOVE Aunt Deb

MUSKOKA, ON—Well, it's exactly what we all assumed all these years. Nice to know it wasn't just our imaginations.

According to a five-year study conducted by government scientists primarily during the months of June through August, mosquitoes do have preferences, and Aunt Deb in particular is just catnip for 'em.

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"I always suspected it, but it's good to have some hard data on the subject," said Aunt Brenda, Aunt Deb's sister-in-law.

"Whenever we head out of the cottage, whether it's down to the water or just on the porch for some vino, Deb cannot get away from those little fellas. It doesn't matter if she's the only one holding food, or not holding food, whether she just got out of the lake or had a shower—mosquitoes have always loved Deb! And now that's a fact."

"I guess it does give me some sense of consolation and closure," said a sober (not in that way) Deb, waving her arms wildly around her as has become habit by this point.

"I knew they always bugged me the most, and when people would say it was just my imagination, I would say, 'Sorry, I can't hear you over the constant high-pitched whine in my ears.' So hopefully there's a place online where I can print out this study and just show it to people whenever the subject comes up."

"So that's nice. But will this do anything to keep them the heck away from me?! I'm no studies expert, but I don't think it will."

At press time, Uncle Roy did not believe the study and still thought Deb just had to face east, Deb you're facing the sun whereas we're all facing away from the sun, they can just see you better, Deb.

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