STUDY: 94% of world power consumption caused by curling iron you maybe left on

HALIFAX, N.S.—An extensive four-year study into world's power usage has, as you might imagine, unearthed some major discoveries.

Perhaps the most stunning of all is the revelation that 94.27% of the all the power used in the world goes toward the curling iron that you're not even using, in fact you think maybe you unplugged it before you left the house but it's entirely possible that you didn't??

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I mean who really pays full attention?

Sven Nervgengardenmaier, head of the World Hydro Studies Institute in Stockholm, says that this is promising news, as it shows we can reduce our footprint dramatically with a couple simple steps.

"Just a little sign taped to the inside of the bathroom door—as non-electric a device as they come—could save the world billions of kilowatt/hours per day."

Bill Simpson, a prominent climate change denier, says that these statistics, however, are unimportant if not meaningless.

"People, first of all, have the right to do whatever they want with the curling iron. If they left it on a part of the counter where there's nothing else around it, then who cares? What's it going to do, make the bathroom a little warmer? Boo hoo, who cares? People shouldn't even check when they leave the house, in my opinion. Just means the curling iron will be fully hot and ready to go the next time you need it."

"But you probably unplugged it, you probably remembered."

At press time, you remember heading back into the bathroom, but was that to unplug the curling iron or to get something else?

Hmmmm.

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