'Sliding over the hood like a badass' added to all Canadian provincial driving exams

OTTAWA, ON—In a major overhaul of provincial driving exams, aspiring Canadian motorists will now be expected to master "sliding over the hood all badass like in an action movie" technique.

The so-called "hood slide" component will be added to all driving tests by the end of the year.

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While some details may vary between provinces, minimum federal standards include at least one perfectly executed running jump onto the hood of the vehicle transitioning into a slide across to the other side. The updated Transport Canada guidelines make specific reference to the motion being required to look "just like Bo and Luke on Dukes of Hazzard."

Candidates will also be judged on their grace, charisma, and ability to avoid damaging the car with their butts. Prospective drivers are not required to wear a leather jacket while performing the action, but "looking like freakin' boss" is encouraged.   

We've been so focused on safety we neglected the most important aspect of driving — looking cool.- Transport Minister Marc Garneau

Transport Minister Marc Garneau announced the change this morning, acknowledging a clear deficiency in Canada's driving standards.

"Canada continues to produce some of the safest drivers in the world," he explained. "But unfortunately we've been so focused on safety we neglected the most important aspect of driving — looking cool."

Garneau cites data from an official Transport Canada study as justification for the update. The report, which is available to the public, ranks Canadian drivers among the worst in the world in a range of coolness factors, including: style, flair, and general badassery.

"The study revealed Canada doesn't have even one driver in the top 1% of World Awesomeness Quotient," he elaborated. "And before you bring up Ryan Gosling in Drive, I'll remind you that he is a fictional character. All the cool car stuff was accomplished through non-Canadian stuntmen and special effects."

Garneau believes the inclusion of a "bitchin' hoodslide" to provincial driving tests will provide immediate benefit to Canadian society as a whole.

"Will it help us save more lives? No. In fact, a lot of people are probably gonna get hurt," he reasoned. "But what Canada will lose in bruised tailbones it will gain in gasps of awe from onlookers as our drivers slide over like they're Jackie friggin' Chan."

"Just think of how pumped you get when you see someone slide across a car hood in a movie," Garneau added. "Now imagine feeling that jacked all day, every day. A population of skilled hood-sliders will improve all aspects of Canadian life, far beyond the obvious benefit of saving our drivers the two or three seconds they would otherwise need to walk around the vehicle."

"Just be careful not to rip your pants," he concluded. "And watch out for hood ornaments. Yikes."   

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