REPORT: Turns out they do have universal healthcare in the US – they just call it GoFundMe

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the US presidential results continue to sink in, one thing remains clear: healthcare remains at the forefront of American issues.

While both candidates in November's general election bitterly went at it, debating the real issues at hand – i.e., emails and whether women are people or not, something was brewing under the surface that had blindsided both national parties. It turns out that there is universal healthcare in the United States – they just call it GoFundMe.

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It should come as no surprise that the thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of GoFundMe pages devoted to personal health care needs have gradually culminated to essentially create the first American universal healthcare program.

"I never understood," US citizen Garry Schuster stammered, "why Bernie Sanders focused so much on universal healthcare, as if we haven't already had it, dignity-free, for what, two years now?"

When asked about his vision, GoFundMe co-founder Brad Damphousse was dumbfounded. "Originally, we had anticipated helping people raise funds to throw the best bachelor party they could, or at most, to raise money for rent," he shared. "But to cover cancer treatment? Never."

What sets GoFundMe apart from first class healthcare systems worldwide is the total deprivation of one's dignity,- GoFundMe co-founder Andy Ballester

What no one envisioned was just how successful the crowd-funding program would become. The unique healthcare system comes complete with the added bonus of the total humiliation that results from groveling to one's family and friends – features that an anonymous system like Canada's simply does not provide.

"What sets GoFundMe apart from first class healthcare systems worldwide is the total deprivation of one's dignity," GoFundMe's other co-founder Andy Ballester explained. "That a person should be able to receive the healthcare they need, without publicly begging to their loved ones for it, seems almost inhumane."

While Canadians are afforded minimal decency to receive the care they need in private, paid by the public in the form of taxes, GoFundMe's approach, known nowadays as crowdfunding, has been dubbed "panhandling for the modern age." It could be argued that this approach puts the onus on the sick and downtrodden to beg for the funds they need. When you're sick, there's nothing you need more than to be relentlessly campaigning for money.

GoFundMe's structure also alleviates complaints that were once mainstream: individuals previously felt entitled to blame their government for failing them, as if somehow it was the elected government's job to work for them.

The public has grown up. Americans have come to understand that that by assuming full responsibility for their own unexpected medical traumas, they no longer need a scapegoat, and can stop whining about their private insurance companies.

Aides close to President-elect Trump have suggested that GoFundMe may replace Obamacare, an outdated healthcare system that provides millions of uninsured Americans with the basic care they need. While nothing is confirmed, replacing Obamacare with GoFundMe might just be the first, and likely only, logical next move put forth by the incoming American president.

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