Relationship ends after woman discovers boyfriend bought Valentine's Cards for entire Women's Studies class

TORONTO, ON—Hold onto your loved ones this Valentine season. It's the shortest season of the year and still consistently results in nearly 100% of all failed relationships. Did you forget to buy a nice gift for your significant other? Relationship over. Did you buy something too nice for your significant other? You came on too strong. Relationship over. That being said, if you manage to hit the ball straight down the plate this Valentine's Day, your love-groundhog might catch a glimpse of its shadow and the winter of unrequited love will be doomed to dredge on for at least another six weeks. People are always on the lookout for inventive ways to maintain or crash-land their romantic bonds. However, if you're Cindy Heffren from Toronto you have tragically fallen victim to one of the most volatile heartfelt Hindenbergs.

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Heffren's seemingly blissful pairing with Greg Kilfoley came to a screeching halt just days before Cupid's target run when she discovered that the card she had been gifted was borderline identical to all the cards Greg had distributed to every breathing body in their Women's Studies class at U of T.

"Greg and I have been going strong for a few years now and I always thought he maybe just wasn't a big Valentine's kind of guy," Cindy noted in between furious pen strokes on her new apartment lease. "But this year when I once again received a Toy Story-themed card the size of a soy sauce packet with an uninspired picture of the squeaky shark, and the card only said: 'From: Greg, To: Cindy' I began to suspect something was afoot."

With this new information coming to light, Heffren decided to do some investigative reporting to find out why her partner wasn't taking their love seriously.

"The first tip-off was Greg's recent diagnosis of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. He had an annual habit of staying up criminally late on the 13th of February and waking up with unsightly swelling on his writing hand." Turns out Kilfoley had been delivering love to all of their mutual classmates.

"It all came together once I talked to the other students in my Women's Studies class. Some of them had received Buzz Lightyears, some Woodys. Hell, Allison even got a Little Bo Peep! Of course the guy I met at my Women's Studies class was there just to play the stats game. He was buckshotting love right in front of my face into a highly concentrated pit of independent ladies."

When asked to comment on the situation, Kilfoley offered briefly: "If you bring love to a class about women's rights, make sure you bring enough to share."

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