Millions of children about to learn "Hatchimal" is part animal, part Survivor winner Richard Hatch

CALGARY, AB—Like the Furby and Tickle-Me-Elmo of previous years, "Hatchimals" are this year's hot Christmas present, with parents across North America storming sold-out stores trying to get their hands on the creatures.

Simon Roberts, a 7-year old resident of suburban Calgary, is waiting with great anticipation for his Hatchimal to arrive on Christmas morning, and that is because he does not realize each creature is a blend of a furry animal and the bearded visage and un-clad torso of Richard Hatch, the first winner of CBS's famous reality show Survivor.

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"He probably thinks it has something to do with hatching. Like out of an egg. I bet a lot of them do," said Kathryn Russell, a spokesperson for the local Toys R Us from which Simon's present was purchased. "That would really be the only explanation for the big rush on them—I did… not think this toy would be so popular. If I can be even more frank than that, I don't think it is a… good toy. But back to the egg. It's only there to conceal the miniature figure of convicted tax cheat Richard Hatch and his famously un-tanned belly."

"Hey, I've put my name on all kinds of crap over the years," said Hatch in an exclusive interview. "What reputation do I have to lose? That's a rhetorical question. But this one really seems to be a success. And hey, come on – I do think it's possible that the children realize that inside these eggs is the lower body of an animal topped by the 55-year old torso and smiling face of Richard Hatch, like some kind of centaur-gone-wrong. I definitely think it's possible they are asking for them knowing that."

"But do I think it's likely? Oh absolutely not. I'd imagine most of them are probably in for a horrifying surprise. But hey, my cheque has already cleared," continued Hatch, before simply walking away.

The particulars of the toy were apparently also unknown to many retailers, who are frantically trying to enact a retroactive "no refunds" policy on the millions of purchased Hatchimals.

"Oh they're going to want to bring them back," says Des Walton, a WalMart executive, nodding fervently. "Believe me. I opened one, and I almost shrieked. But a parent ran up to me and said, 'Is that a Hatchimal??' and ran to the checkout with it. So we're gonna sell 'em."

"But yeah, those kids are not gonna want 'em."

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