Maximize your push-ups by using the crushing weight of your student loans on your back

You're two years out of university and have barely made a dent in those student loans (in fact, depending which day of the month you check, they're even bigger than when they started).

You know what else can be bigger than when it started? You!

Use those many pounds of worry weighing down on you to get powerful. Use the resistance imposed by your financial troubles to build the kind of muscle only the stress of the educational-industrial complex can provide. Simply follow these easy steps:

#1

Get into the push-up position. Feel good? Then you're doing it wrong.

#2

Spend (something you're used to doing, am I right?!) some time developing the right mindset. Think about all the things weighing you down in life.

Particularly, think about the $40,000 you have to return to the government, ASAP (and OSAP). Yikes. Getting a little harder to hold yourself up? Good. Good.

#3

Lower yourself, just as you were told you were doing when applying for that job that made use of zero of the skills you paid tens of thousands of dollars for, and which you didn't get anyway because they said you were overqualified.

"You don't want to work here," the interviewer said, about the place he works, and which gives him money to work, some of the money that you would frankly love to have if you weren't apparently too good for that money (you're not, by the way).

#4

Once you've reached the bottom, now the work can begin. Think of this position as the "declaring bankruptcy" segment of the exercise.

You've got a lot of options: you can lift yourself up, you can shout for help, or you can just lie there until you forget you were ever doing push-ups in the first place (this is the "ignoring mail that looks like it came from the government for a few months" equivalent).

#5

Raise yourself back up. You may feel a little shaky, much like your financial stability, but you'll get there eventually, right? You know one or two people who paid theirs off, don't you?? I mean, their parents helped with most of the push-up, but still, apparently it's possible!

#6

You're up at the top! Your reward: you get to do another one, you get to do it all over again. Speaking of which, don't forget to mail off those Masters program applications after your workout!

#7

Come back tomorrow.

#8

If you can find some way to swing the gym membership fees.

#9

Why did you join a gym just to do push-ups??

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