Margaret Atwood launches new Dystopia juice line
OTTAWA, ON—Attempting to capitalize on having not one but two TV shows on the air right now based on her classic books, beloved author Margaret Atwood is looking to diversify into other products.
The first fruit of her labours — absolutely no pun intended —looks to be a line of drinks in the vein of the popular Fruitopia brand from the 1990s, but with a much more haunting, Orwellian vibe.
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"I couldn't be more excited to — hmm, perhaps that's not quite the correct word, is it?" said Atwood, giving a press conference in the nation's capital this morning. "I couldn't be more soberly cautious or concerned about the future of our country, continent, or world on this day, and that's why it's a perfect day to unveil my Dystopia juice. Sip a little bit of worry, is what I say!"
Flavours listed on the company's website include Worried Watermelon, Misanthropic Mango, Or-ange-well, and Alias Grape.
"I'm excited to bring a little darkness to the world of juice," said Atwood. "There's no reason not to take a moment to pause for a sip of refreshing, but morally complex, juice."
At press time, Atwood was considering expanding into the alcoholic drink market, with products like The Handmaid's Ale and Oryx & Sake.
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