Man in stock photo mortified to be part of this article

EDMONTON, AB—Shortly after the release of this article, the man featured in this stock photo will find himself beet red with embarrassment.

Sources say the man didn't really think much about lending his likeness to a stock photo service for anyone to use.

"I just figured that if people would be willing to pay a lot to use the service, surely they wouldn't be connected to anything embarrassing," the man in the photo explained.

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However, that's where he's dead wrong. Men like the one featured in this stock photo always suffer from one of five conditions: denial, erectile dysfunction, small dick, no dick, and a little tiny hat for dick.

It's one thing to be embarrassed, but to be a racist who is also hated by other racists? What a nightmare. Who does he even commiserate with? What could he have done to cause a despicable group to hate him, despite the fact that he hates what they hate? He's just that unlikable.

It can't be stated with absolute certainty, but the likelihood is extremely high that no one loves this man or ever will. Most therapists will tell you that anyone and everyone is capable of finding love, but this man proves there's an exception to every rule.

As Dr. Janessa VanBeek, MSW, explains, "Our perspective on love and relationships is so often problematic. We devalue our self-worth outside a relationship when we really need to reverse this process. Except, of course, for the man in this photo. He is the reason dogs wander off to die."

But what do the man's parents think? Surely they of all people can empathize with the man in the stock photo.

"We don't love our son and will not waste any more breath on his behalf," explained two extremely disappointed parents who wished to remain anonymous in order to avoid people connecting them in any way to their miserable excuse for a son.  
Despite the harsh criticism, we all hope the man in this stock photo manages to better himself and find happiness.

However, it seems very unlikely, given all the baggage we've laid out for him in this article. Perhaps next time he will rethink giving his likeness away. You simply never know what kind of diabolical mind has access to a company's stock photo service.

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