Man in bathroom undergoes arduous 4-mile trek to get to farthest possible urinal from other man
CALGARY, AB—There's Everest. There's the Iditarod. And now there's the bathroom at the Hopkinson Mall.
Gene Alexander, a 34-year-old sandwich artist, didn't know he was in for the journey of his life today; he just had to go the bathroom.
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Little did he realize that there would be a man using the very first urinal, and more important, that there were 4,794 urinals in that bathroom. Knowing that the only appropriate thing to do was to walk to the urinal at the polar opposite end of the bathroom, rather than, for example, just being comfortable with himself and others, Alexander steeled himself and gathered some supplies for the trip.
"I knew that there was a Dollarama in the mall, so I headed there and got three protein bars. No, I didn't eat them in the bathroom — I opened them, chewed, and fully consumed them before entering the bathroom. I knew the clean energy would serve me well."
"I then bought a raincoat from The North Face," continued Alexander. "Yes, I know there's not weather in a bathroom, but there could be flooding. And it could get cold. Or hot. What if someone turns on all 338 hand-dryers at once? It could happen."
"I would do it if I could. Maybe I would distract that guy and make him leave that urinal so I didn't have to walk so far."
Alas, by the time Alexander arrived at his destination after the three-hour-and-47-minute walk, he didn't have to go anymore.
"Meh, feeling had kind of passed."
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