Man achieves new level of 'ghosting' party by just not going
KELOWNA, B.C.—A Kelowna man has officially taken a brave new step forward in party-going strategy.
Karl Wernckheimer, a 28-year-old introvert, was reportedly planning to "ghost" from a party tonight at his acquaintance Sean's house, when he had an a-ha moment that could change the game of people-avoidance from this moment forward.
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"So I was sitting there, thinking like, okay, I'm about to go there, the party starts at 10 (according to Facebook, anyway), and I've already said I'm attending (according to Facebook, anyway)," says Wernchkheimer.
"And I thought, okay, if that's when it starts when can I justify leaving without telling anybody (and also without really talking to anybody before I do it)."
"But then it hit me," he says. "If the whole point is to not really make an impression, wouldn't the greatest non-impression be made by not even going? Isn't the earliest you can leave… before the party even starts?"
With that, Wernckheimer settled in to leave a party at a record early time of 5:58 pm, a full four hours and two minutes before it ever began, and a legend was born.
Or it would have been, if anybody had noticed.
"Hey where was Karl tonight?" said Sally Rowe, 28, to which Michael Philbinson, also 28, replied, "Oh I think he was over in the kitchen the whole time, that's weird," to which Rowe agreed that it indeed was really weird.
At around 4:30 am, Karl, having fallen asleep at 5:59 pm on his couch, woke up bored and decided to see if the party was still going on.
It was, and he was greeted warmly.
"Hey, Karl's back!" said Rowe, still 28, the day after the party. "I didn't get a chance to say bye to you earlier!" to which Wernckheimer could only reply, "Um, yes. Right. Of course. That was regretful."
To which Philbinson added, "Just stay out of the kitchen this time, huh??" clapping Karl on the back.
And Karl, though slightly worried that he had some sort of kitchen-dwelling doppelgänger that he hadn't previously known about, enjoyed the rest of the party very much, as only someone who had not attend it at all could do.
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