It's that time again! Tim Hortons suggests caffeine addicts should also start gambling

REGINA, SK—This can only go right.

To help ring in Canada's 150th year since Confederation, Tim Hortons has brought back its massively popular Roll Up The Rim To Win campaign, combining those two classic Canadian passions: an intense, unacknowledged addiction to the daily consumption of caffeine, and whatever it is that makes you buy a scratch ticket or three every Friday!

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"It's so great, because while you're getting your morning hit, you can also try to win something. And then if you don't win, you can buy more to drink more, to feel better and try to win more, or at all," says Nancy Ruthson, who purchased 411 cups yesterday, drinking 89 of them.

"It's a perfect system, as far as I am capable of understanding it from inside of it."

Bill Docobol says that the campaign brought back his old nostalgic feelings—in fact, the campaign and its connection to liquid stimulants reminded him of a long-dormant love of gambling!

"I've always loved a cup of coffee. I thought it was a healthier vice than, say, gambling, which took over my life from the years 1986–1995. I put it aside, but then the connection of this safe beverage to my former habits, well… let's just say that just like Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim Campaign is back in full force, so is my inability to stop wagering in an attempt to win things! Or lose. Doesn't really matter anymore, don't feel much!"

At press time, maybe the next cup would have a car under the rim! Ohh no it's another cup of coffee. Well, here goes nothing.

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