Comedy·SPORTS

Innovative hockey coach just taking it two games at a time

Nielsen has put aside the clichéd talk about “one game at a time”, and vowed to take the season two games at a time instead.
(Shutterstock / Maxim Tarasyugin)

MISSISSAUGA, ON—Tom Nielsen, head coach of the Midtown Lynx of the Southern University Skating Hockey International league, or SUSHI, has made a decision that is sending shockwaves through the usually traditional hockey community. In his first season on the job, Nielsen has put aside the clichéd talk about "one game at a time", and vowed to take the season two games at a time instead.

"Well you know how it goes," said Nielsen at a post-practice media scrum yesterday. "We've gotta put pucks in the net, you know, really give it 110%, keep forechecking, stay hungry, and, you know, just take it two games at a time."

"I'm sorry, coach," said Max Pakker of SUJ-FAN 580 radio, "Wh-what did you just say? Because it sounded like you said two games at a time."

Nielsen, who appeared ready for such a question, smirked and instantly replied, "It's time for this town to start playing in the big leagues, folks. We can make it, we can win the championship, but we need to start taking big steps. No more 'one game at a time.' I'm blowing this thing wide open. We're taking it two games at a time."

Amidst a huge commotion, Jean Miller from Sportsnet tried to bring the situation back down to the earth.

"I… err… uh, how do you think you'll do in tonight's game against the Panthercats, coach?"

"Well, you know Jean, that's a good question. I think we'll do great. I think if we put pucks in deep, and give it our all, and get good hustle and take care of things out there, I think we've got a real shot."

A pregnant hush fell over the room.

"… and then I think we'll probably do pretty well in tomorrow's game as well," said Nielsen, as one reporter fainted and another threw his notebook against the wall in outrage.

At press time, Nielsen was also heard to speculate on whether the team could possibly get it done with just 105% effort, though he was quickly forced by the team brass to publicly retract the comment.

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