I am quitting because they would not let me play Garfield
An op-ed by Daniel Day-Lewis
I am a man well known for enduring hardships for his craft.
I've lost 30 pounds while living in a prison cell.
I've broken my nose in a boxing ring.
I've acted in the film Nine.
But there comes a time in every man's life when he must say, "Enough! I will go through this much humiliation, but I will go through no more."
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I have reached this time, as I must finally admit to myself that despite my best efforts, I will never be allowed to play Garfield.
And oh, the efforts I was prepared to give.
I was perfectly willing to spend months, years even, learning to hate Mondays.- Daniel Day-Lewis
I am, by nature, an optimistic person. I am not certain that one could work in my profession—sorry, my former profession—of acting and be otherwise! After a relaxing weekend with my wife and family, I begin the day with spirits renewed, hopeful that the first day of the week will bring me vigour, joy, and exciting challenges.
And yet I was perfectly willing to spend months, years even, learning to hate Mondays, to detest them, to burn in my soul with a passionate loathing.
I told the producers as much in preliminary meetings. Meetings, by the way, which I insisted never be on Mondays. And if they had to be, I would show up drunk, slovenly, and covered in lasagna, doing my best to show that the first day of the week is wholly repellent to me, that all I want to do is sleep, be rude to Jon Arbuckle, and emit lazy yet well-formed quips.
I hired Jeff Goldblum, an acquaintance of mine, to follow me everywhere for weeks at a time in character as Jon Arbuckle, so I could hurl abuse at him, claiming he would never get a date, or cook a decent lasagna, and what have you. He was my Jon, and I was his Garfield, and I would have been proud to put our work on any screen that was offered.
I even snarled at every dog that came near me, though in reality, I love our furry friends.
I did my best.
Sometimes, though, it would seem your best isn't good enough. Even if you're "the great" Daniel Day-Lewis.
Perhaps it was, in fact, my prestige that kept me from the role of a lifetime. They hinted as much to me on numerous occasions.
"We will put you in literally any other movie," they told me.
"This is more of a Kevin James role, or a Chris Kattan if we want to think outside the box," they said. "Laurence Olivier never played Huckleberry Hound."
"Children don't want to see Daniel Day-Lewis. You are frightening. Even I am frightened of you. Yes, that includes Lincoln."
But it will never include Garfield.
And so, to you, to my dear audience who have supported me through all these years and adventures, I must take my leave and say farewell.
I wish you a long and happy life, filled with—unfortunately—only happy Mondays.
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