Honeydew in fruit salad just happy to be included
ABBOTSFORD, B.C.—Fruit salad has become a staple in the breakfast and brunch communities with its sweet, yet healthy reputation. It is a difficult task to create the right balance of good fruits, and lesser fruits need to understand their place in the hierarchy.
Honeydew melon, or as they are sometimes called, trashfruit, honeypoo melon, and/or devil's breast, has rebounded after a recent resurgence of brunch culture. Once thought to give children polio, it's now found its niche as a fruit whose sole contribution is to be part of something bigger.
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"Honestly, we're just happy to be included," admitted Darryl Strom, chairman of the National Honeydew Council. "It's such an honour to work alongside some of the greats. Blueberries and strawberries. And kiwi? To see kiwi do his thing is just incredible. I'd let a kiwi marry my daughter." Strom then took seven minutes to elaborate on the lavish wedding he would throw for his aging daughter and an inanimate piece of fruit.
Much like in sports, you cannot have a team made up entirely of superstars. It is necessary for the hotshots to stand on the shoulders of lesser players in order to boost themselves. Honeydew fills that role.
"The great Laurell K. Hamilton once said, 'There can be no light without darkness,'" quoted Strom. "Would a strawberry be as sweet without the juxtaposition of a soapy-tasting, slimy-textured piece of devil's breast by its side? I'd like to think it wouldn't and that's why honeydew is here to stay."
Derek Shurt, a local melon farmer, has come to count on fruit salad as a major part of his core business. "Before fruit salad came along, the only people that would buy our trashfruit were prisons," he explains. "The Melons for Felons program was introduced to curb the erratic and murderous behaviour of inmates by feeding them food with little to no nutritional value."
"Now my family can afford shoelaces again," Shurt choked through tears. "I once had to tie my boot with a snake. I thank God every day for fruit salad. And that I'm not my brother. He owns a cantaloupe farm. There's no hope for that sad, orange bastard."
Citrus, berries, banana, kiwi and melon. Yes, even melon has a role to play. If we learn anything from the story of honeydew, it's that no matter how much you may look like witch flesh or taste like laundry, you too can one day achieve your dream of being the last item eaten in a low-end diner's fruit salad and end up rotting in a compost alongside the best of them.
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