Heatwave claims promising young beard

TORONTO, ON—As the weather shifts abruptly and residents find themselves unprepared to deal with the change, this week's spike in temperature has claimed its first casualty: the newly grown beard of Toronto resident Adam Larsson.

The fledgling beard, described as "decent and not too patchy", began approximately one month ago when Larsson realized he simply hadn't shaved in a week and decided to "just go for it." But, as Larsson lives in a small apartment with no air conditioning, the early and unexpected heatwave soon saw the beard growing itchy and sweaty, preventing Larsson from sleeping any way except on his back, and generally causing moderate discomfort until it was cut tragically off on Saturday afternoon.

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It's terrible to see such a new beard with such potential cut down in its prime," said Paul Munoz, a close friend of Larsson's. "It seems like only yesterday Adam realized he could even maybe pull off a beard at all, and now it's gone."

"It's important to be aware of the threat that summer weather can pose to people and to their beards," cautioned Donna Collins of Toronto Public Health. "It's always a dangerous time of year, especially for the elderly, pets, and facial hair that goes anywhere near the neck."

"I still can't believe the beard is gone," said Larsson. "I have so many memories: the time someone was like 'hey, are you growing a beard?'... the time somebody else was like 'hey, when did you grow a beard?' But I'll always remember the beard whenever I see my face in the mirror... because my face tanned while I had, it so now I have like a really white negative-beard?"

In lieu of flowers, Larsson is asking for a sink drain de-clogger.

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