What to do if you swallow your gum and you're approaching 40

We've all been there. You're rapidly approaching middle age, and all of a sudden you swallow your gum.

DON'T PANIC. Even if you're getting pretty close to 40, gum will not immediately kill you, and may not even kill you at all. Especially if you follow these simple steps:

1. Understand what gum is

Gum is made from a butadiene-based synthetic rubber, which is indigestible for the human stomach. What does this mean for someone who could once stay up all night but now crashes at 8:30 pm after a couple episodes of Chef's Table? Pretty much the same thing.

2. Mention it to your doctor

You said you're almost 40? Yeah, you should be at the doctor's office every other day, babe. Take a moment in between describing the weird mole that appeared on your lower back and the fields of hair sprouting everywhere on your body except your head and let the doc know you swallowed some gum.

3. Try to flush it out of your system

If you're closing in on 40 you've probably started eating lots of bran to keep things regular. Be sure to avoid diuretics like alcohol, as these days a couple glasses of wine will give you a wicked hangover for several months.

4. Don't take on the traits of your mom and dad

Yes, a small piece of gum is lost somewhere in your body. You can take control of the situation by examining the habits of your parents and growing increasingly alarmed at how much you identify with their values.

5. Lie about your age to everyone within earshot

Just by a few years, and only on your birthday. It also helps to wear a backwards baseball cap.

6. Start a new career

I heard 40 is the new 16, so don't hesitate to go back to school and learn video editing. Video editing is on fleek* right now. And while you're there, definitely don't forget to lie about your age.

*You also need to find out what this means