WestJet to offer coughing and non-coughing flights
CALGARY, AB—Coughing is a disgusting habit. While it is a lifestyle choice to cough, why should others be subjected to the dangers of second-hand coughing? It can cause sickness, irritability, and death, but most of all, it's gross. You're gross.
It becomes painfully apparent on flights that everyone is sharing the same air. That's why innovative Canadian airline WestJet has planned on implementing no-cough flights as of next month.
If you want to cough in your own home, that's fine, but if you're going to travel you now must book yourself as a cougher or non-cougher. It will be $50 extra to board a coughing flight, $375 if phlegm is involved.
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Non-cough flights will only be available for domestic travel. If you're flying within Canada you no longer have to worry about being seated next to one of "those people."
However, if you're on an international flight it can't be done, because in many cultures "social coughing" is still acceptable (primarily European ones).
While WestJet is the first to develop these coughing bans, many more Canadian industries have expressed interest in cough and no-cough zones as well. Several restaurant chains, malls, movie theatres, and schools have already begun plans. Demand for no-cough medical marijuana dispensaries has been high as well.
There was briefly a ban on coughing while riding the bus in the eighties but it proved too tough to enforce due to the fact that people loved doing it so much.
Another ban was proposed in 2003 but the judge ruled against it for being unreasonable. He was later seen coughing at a Subway restaurant, which was super gross because all the sandwich ingredients are exposed. He later claimed that his coughing was "due to illness", apparently unable to remember that coughing is always, always a choice.
It can be tempting to cough. However, there is nothing cooler than not being gross.
WestJet says it's excited to lead the way to a cough-free society.
"Just stop it," a spokesperson explained.
Meanwhile, at Air Canada:
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