Vancouver Halloween store sells out of "straight-up sex object" costume

VANCOUVER, BC—Local Halloween costume store A Step In The Fright Direction reports that it completely sold out of its popular "straight-up sex object" costume for women weeks in advance of Halloween this year.

"For years I stocked the usual stuff," explains storeowner Paul Beauregard. "Sexy nurse, sexy pirate, sexy fridge, sexy Canada Post mailbox, sexy Deputy Minister of Agriculture. God, that was expensive. This year, I decided to just drop the façade, cut out the middleman, and give the people what they apparently want: women dripping in raw sexuality for absolutely no reason at all."

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According to the manufacturer's website, the costume is only available in sizes 0, 2, and 4. The box contains a skintight bodysuit, a smoky eyeshadow kit, high-heeled boots, and a fistful of 17 different whips for the wearer to carry around. Thankfully, the Canadian version comes with some extra insulation for the harsh winters: furry and very sexy bunny ears affixed to a thin headband.

"It's a very thoughtful touch," Beauregard confirms.

He continues: "This is just so much simpler than having to carry a sexy policewoman costume, or naughty teacher, or sexy fax machine, or sexy spiral-bound notebook, or sexy public education system, or sexy promise of electoral reform. What a relief!"

Beauregard explains that while his customers typically do include men buying costumes for their girlfriends, it's mostly frazzled women bursting through the door in search of a last-minute get-up.

"They used to rush in here the day before Halloween, all stressed out, and then they'd have to spend an hour rifling through the options: sexy "Skip Ad" button on YouTube, sexy Tupperware of organic, non-GMO blueberries, sexy retweet," Beauregard recalls. "It was too complicated."

"But these past few weeks have been great," he says happily. "I see 'em coming up the steps, I hand 'em this one simple box, and then I wink with my left eye very slowly, like seriously I try to take a full forty seconds for the eyelid to fully descend. Men like to be sexy too."

Happy Halloween from CBC Comedy!

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