Content
Skip to Main ContentAccessibility Help
Funny Stuff

Tuna casserole recipe for weekend-only dads

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook pasta in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes, or until al dente. Take this time to reflect on your life choices. Try not to think about Sharon.
Alice Moran · CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / Andrey_Popov)

Ingredients

  • 1 12-ounce package shell pasta  
  • 2 6-ounce can tuna, drained  
  • 2 10.75-ounce cans condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • 2 cups crushed potato chips
  • Optional: peas and/or some kind of cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).

2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook pasta in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes, or until al dente. Take this time to reflect on your life choices. Try not to think about Sharon. Try not to think about how you walked out on Sharon and your kids. Try not to wonder if Sharon still thinks about you (she doesn't). Think about something positive like that cool neon Budweiser sign you have in your bedroom. It's pretty cool!

3. Suppress any and all feelings for Sharon that are now bubbling over much like your pasta water. Drain pasta.

4. In a large bowl, thoroughly mix noodles, tuna, and soup. Make a mental note to find a cool "R" rated movie for the kids to watch. That'll show their new d-bag stepdad Jeremy who the cool dad is around here. Jeremy isn't really a d-bag. He's actually pretty cool. Last time he dropped the kids off, he showed you how to work the DVR. He explained how the first step is taking it out of its box. God, Jeremy is so cool.

5. Transfer mixture to a 9x13-inch baking dish. Avoid staring at the now empty mixing bowl. It's so empty. It wasn't always empty. Just moments ago it was full. It had purpose. Now it sits empty in a white-walled basement bachelor apartment. Do not let yourself wonder if the bowl will ever be full again, or wonder if that emptiness will ever go away. Try to shake the haunting feelings produced by that dirty, empty bowl by blasting some Nickelback tunes.  

6. Sprinkle potato chip crumbs on top of the casserole. If you're planning on adding cheese or peas, now would be the time to do so.  But let's be real: you're adding cheese only and not peas, even though the peas are healthier. Piper and Lucas hate peas, and it's going to be an uphill battle to impress them seeing as that Jeremy is taking them to Tremblant this winter and there's no way you can compete with that, except MAYBE with eight ounces of cheese. God, Jeremy is so cool. You want to hate him, but every time you've meet him, he's been warm and charming as shit. You stalked his Facebook looking for a reason to hate him, and instead learned about all the volunteer work he's done with Médecins Sans Frontières – oh, and and his 2000 Olympic medal for the Decathlon. Shit. Jeremy is so cool. So yeah, no peas – that'll win the kids back.

7. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the potato chips are lightly brown like Sharon's skin after she and Jeremy got back from three weeks in Greece.

8. Serve with a smile! (or best alternative)